Published June 12, 2008
The third chapter!
Chapter 3
Attack
The brisk wind blew against me, sending shivers throughout my body. I pulled my coat around me tighter. I walked down the dark street, wishing that the lamps were on.
I had been walking for a while. The house the meeting was being held at was twenty minutes away and I had been walking for about ten.
I heard some shuffling behind me and turned at the sound. Leaves skittered across the road. It must have been my imagination. My mind likes to make things up when I’m nervous. I turned back around and continued walking. I peeked over my shoulder once more, just to make sure. Nothing
was there.
I stumbled over my feet, and crashed to the ground. I heard my dress rip and felt my hands scrape against the sidewalk. My knees slid across the ground. I held back tears, as I sat on the ground.
Growling erupted out of nowhere and something slammed against me. I crashed into a wall and heard something crack. Pain slowly eased its way up my spine. I cried out in pain and something laughed at me.
My eyes snapped open and looked in terror at the person in front of me. A woman with red fiery hair crouched in front of me. Piercing, blood red eyes met mine and an evil smile spread across her face. I gasped and pain erupted in my back. I cringed and the woman chuckled.
“You smell so delicious. Too bad James isn’t here. He would have loved you.” I looked at her in confusion, but she only snarled at me. She grabbed both of my arms and put them behind my back. Her hands were freezing cold and her breath on my neck made me shiver. She pulled back on my arms and I screamed out. “I like to play with my food. The fear makes you taste so much better.” Food? I was truly confused now.
She slammed me against a wall and my face came in contact with the brick wall. My nose cracked and a hot liquid ran down my face. The woman twisted my arms and my shoulder popped out of its socket. I screamed out and fell to my knees. A foot collided with my back and I fell forward.
What had I done to deserve this? My arms thumped to the ground on either side of me. I had so much pain all over. “You’re time has come to an end, young girl.” She cackled an evil laugh. Her mouth came down on my neck and she kissed it once before she sunk her teeth into my neck.
I gasped as a burning sensation erupted in my neck. I could feel the life being sucked out of me slowly and the woman, no…creature, was giving pleasurable sounds. I knew I was going to die. I didn’t try to fight back but waited for death to come.
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Terrific!! but finally I found one thing messed up. Towards the beginning, you put a sentence but it trailed off down into a new paragraph, but other then that, like always, it was terrific!
Great Job and Keep Writing!
okay, wow. This is the best chapter so far!!
I have this strange feeling you copied me. Mostly because you did, but yeah. =D
This was a very good piece.
Though in some places I went um.
This is bedcause of too much DISCRIPTION.
that will give you your downfall.
Also too much TALK.
But it was good anyway.
MATT
Nice. i would change one thing though.
I think you should change it to
Good job!!!
ok im going to go read the rest.
Oooh, i have to say that this getting interesting. You introduced James and Victoria. I be in the next chapter, you are going to bring some of the Cullens in, aren't you? I guess i will have to stick around to see what you do in the chatpers to come. Good LUck with those.
"A woman with red, fiery hair..."
You used wall twice; I would cut the second one.
Again, repetative; this time with "neck". "into my flesh" sounds better at the end.
*~*
Okay, this chapter, I must say, was much better. Very nice; I don't like Victoria... I just thought I'd throw that out there, *giggles*. I'm sorry I was so mean in my othe reviews. But, this chapter was much better. Nicely done.
lol i really like it~~~