Published January 1, 2009
A random poem I was inspired to write while eating pancakes. =] Yum, yum!
Pancakes are yummy.
Pancakes are good.
Would you like to try some?
I think that you should!
I know that you want to.
I see it in your eyes.
Just one tasty bite.
And you'll be on a high.
It’s like heaven on Earth.
A bread delicacy.
Just pour on some syrup.
You'll love them, guaranteed!
Tah-dah!!! =]=]=] It's a masterpiece! =P
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139,539 Literary Works • 672,604 Reviews
I agree the rhyming was forced at points. I disagree that it's fine because the was for fun. Even light verse can and should be good. Keep working on it.
-BFG
Well, I only have one thing to say...
I love pancakes...
really, and totally seriously, I love pancakes.
my favorite food.
so this poem rocks, I loved the flow, and the subject, and the random-ness-ish-ocity
yeah, that's what I thought too.
great poem, this review is not very helpful...
Pancakes are Gooooooood.
Peace,
God
This poem is short and fun.
Somehow I don't hink that there is a deeper meaning to it....(than God)...:L
Ha, I enjoyed it but I do think that the last line should be changed from
"You 'll love them. You'll see"
to
"you'll love them, i guarantee."
or something like that.!
other than that it was great:D
Cute poem. I once wrote a short story about eating cherries because I have a very strange way of eating them. Anyway...
Your rhyming pattern is constant, but your rythym is off. I kind of like it that way because it's such a fun and spontaneous poem. Still, some of it bothers me, but maybe that's just because I'm a musician.
This stanza was excellent. I could tap my foot with a beat while reading it.
The second line bothers me, but I don't know how you can fix it. In the third line, I would omit "take." Flows better.
This is another second line that I can't fix. You have to say "delicacy" too quickly to make it sound like the actual word. You can't spread the syllables, if that makes sense. On the last line, I would say: "You'll love them. You'll see." Keeps the rythym.
Overall, fun poem. I'm probably taking it too seriously, but...
I liked it!
-Sea-
I really hate to not give any suggestions, because that's really unhelpful, but I liked it a lot. Such a good, random, poem about pancakes.
Yay to you!
~MV
Tehe.. this is so cute! It made me laugh, so theres a plus. I loved this, and couldn't find anything wrong with it. (That hasn't been said. Rhyming and what not.) I like waffles, but, I don't think that would sound too good.. =P
Loved it.
-Emily
I don't like the last two lines, I think for the second last line it should be:
flows better
the second, I just don't like it. Let's fix it...?
And I'll hear your many sighs, it just doesn't flow properly with the rest of your poem. I don't know why but it just doesn't. I think it's because the rhyming sounds forced, sighs and eyes. Aargh! But we can't take away the rhyming because this poem is all about
fun and such. So, it's fine I think
There's something wrong with the last sentence again.
Overall: I liked this poem. It was fun. However, at some points the rhyming seems too forced, but because this poem was for fun it's fine. It was really funny and good xD
Heheheh masterpiece? Methinks yes (Y)
xD
xoxo