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Hey Wookie! Sorry for the really late reply, but I'm here and am finally reviwing your work. What really drew me was the chapter name. I think it's really interesting and I cannot help but love it. (Gives me the shakes of excitement)

What do you do then?

I believe you forgot to add in a word here. It's highlighted in red, just to let you know.

We are in an underground, experimental, secret military base, better known as Area 51.

Personally I think there is way to much commar's in this one sentence. You can cut all of them out except the last one. That's the only commar that is really needed. Otherwise it just clutters a really interesting sentence, and draws away your attention from the meaning.

The military is working on a special weapon, special humanoid weapons, obviously being created for war, only a lot worse.

Same problem with the topic above. I find that there is just way to much commars that aren't really needed. The first one you should keep, the second commar should be taken and away and the last remainging. It really declutter's your work and makes you focus on what you are trying to say.

That means we have emotions, feelings, likes, dislikes. We feel everything a regular person

Gee, you really love your commars. I fixed up some of the mistakes and replaced them with fullstops and a capital letter. This allows for less of those commars.

She took her figure off the

I think you mean finger, not figure. Well - atleast that is what I think you mean?

on any living

You forgot the 'n' on the word on.


I really like this peice! I mean OMG this is really cool. There were a few mistakes but hey, this was just darn right excellent. I mean - AHHH - I absolutely love it. *Clicks love button a zillion times* I think you have to fix up some of the mistakes and not clump your imformation as you did at the end. Space it out more through your text so it comes freely and not a whole stack of words.

I laughed, “Very funny now go take a shower, you,” I said pushing her toward our bathroom with five individual stalls, metal floor, metal walls, stainless steal shower heads. Shiny.

I really like these few sentences. They were really funnny.