Honestly, I was nervous about posting, and I still am. Honest reviews please?
If I told you something,
Something I’ve never said before
Would you listen?
Would you believe me?
If I walked through that door,
Would you stop and stare,
Bring me back, or
Let me go?
Now, we’re playing those little games,
And it’s the same thing everyday
And I’m sick and tired of the same old verdict
I’ll cry, and cry, and cry
It’s what I dream about at night
I wake up, wishing you were here beside me
It’s what I dream about
And I wonder if you think about me too
I have to know
What would you do,
If I told you this was your song
What would you do,
If this became our song
There’s something about tonight
Something that feels so very right
I can smell the whiskey,
Feel your lips on mine
It’s something I wasn’t sure about before
You smiled, and my world was electrified
Now I know
This is our song
I’m waiting for something to change,
I’m waiting for you to tell me what I want to hear.
I’m assuming you feel the same way I do
Everyday, it’s the same old story
Every night, it’s the same old thing
I wake up crying,
Waiting for you to pick up the phone
Now you’re back again
Everything is so, so different
I want you here with me
I want everything the same again
I have to know
What would you do,
If I told you this was your song
What would you do,
If this became our song
There’s something about tonight
Something that feels so very right
I can smell the whiskey,
Feel your lips on mine
I’m finally unafraid to say
That this is our song.
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,769 Reviews
Hi, to be honest I find the poem quite cliche, it's nice but I have heard all the things you said so many times and I don't think that's your fault but it's always hard to write love poems and love stories without repeating what other people said so many other times.
I don't really like this sentence:
With that statement us readers cannot really empathize with the author of the poem.
You should probably expand on this stanza:
I don't think saying oh there is something about tonight ... helps, as a reader I need to get engaged and involved.
This stanza is really cliche:
I can;t even take count of the amount of times I read poems and stories repeating over and over again this same sentence.
I like this sentence:
I can actually picture and feel what the author is feeling.
Overall you should develop this poem much more, add more description to it , I mean what is it that makes this person so special? How do you feel when being around this person? Is it the way he looks at you, his eyes, or maybe his character, from what you wrote I couldn't really picture it . I think the flow is quite good but I don't see anything innovative or different.
Sorry if I seemed a bit harsh but you probably can improve more and I hope to read some more of your poems, as I previously said writing love poems is very difficult without being cliche.
Good luck
Iamnotperfect