Published December 3, 2010
Yess. Still a poem. I have major conflicting emotions, can you tell?
This one’s our song
Everything we wanted
This one’s for us
Even when we weren’t
I’ve gotten tired of waiting for you
Waiting for you to make your move
Now I’m sick with the cold
I’ve been chasing you, running after you
And the darkness is closing in on me
I’m watching you walk away
And I’m standing in the cold
As you look back, one more time.
And I know you’re watching me too
And I know you feel the same way I do
I hope you know I miss you.
This one’s our song
Everything we wanted
This one’s for us
Even when we weren’t
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,359 Literary Works • 673,124 Reviews
I thought it was a sweet poem but I thought it was rather spelled out and simple. You could have made it more complex in terms of imagery and figurative language.
Another thing I think the poem could have done with was some punctuation - since there is none. However, there are those who don't believe in punctuating poetry, so that's just my opinion.
Overall, I thought it was a nice idea, but I didn't really feel it very much. Sorry.
Keep writing and trying, because you have talanted ideas and passion. There's only one thing that could hapen - you'll improve!
I love how the poem goes in full circle to the end and repeats the first stanza very beautiful.
Love this part.
There is'nt very much to say as this is a wonderful poem and I hope you keep writing lots as I love this.