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Young Writers Society


12+

Drink Me

by woahhitherepal


I fell and fell

down the hole,

where it ends 

nobody knows.

"Drink me" it beamed

"forget your dread 

why be sad

when you can be

numb instead?"

3/5

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45 Reviews

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Thu Jun 14, 2018 2:33 pm
Lives4Christ24 says...



Love this poem






Thank youuuuu





You are indeed welcome.



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Sat Nov 04, 2017 6:26 am
Radrook wrote a review...



I see the poem as portraying the dilemma faced by those who can choose to numb either their psychological or physical pain either via drugs or suicide. The one speaking I understood as the person's mind itself temping him with those options. The hole I understood as the situation which seems only to deteriorate and in which the person feels as if he's falling towards oblivion but can't stop.


The only trouble I had was visualizing someone attempting to drink a hole. Also, the reference to the Wheel of Fortune Show was a bit distracting. So tweaking those two will make for a stronger poem. IMHO






hello Radrook (:
im sorry i made that unclear but it was kind of like the narrorator remembering what something/someone said before falling into the hole.
also i was completely unaware that i made a reference? im sorry about that, could you tell me which part is the reference so i can go back and fix it?
thank you for the review!
>Adrian



Radrook says...


There was a show on TV called Wheel of Fortune in which the words:

"Round and round she goes and were she stops nobody knows." So those familiar with that show will see the guy spinning that wheel and might take it as derivative or else an allusion to that show.

About the poem's meaning. certain poems are amenable to a variety of interpretations and they aren't all in harmony with what the author might have had in mind. Any poem that can be viewed fro diverse perspectives is far more interesting than one that is one-dimensional. So it is a good thing.



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Fri Nov 03, 2017 8:06 pm
DeerInBacPac wrote a review...



Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started. :smt020

*Sees poem and me and Grim simultaneously flips a table.*
*Grim sits beside, eager to read.*
*Both of us freak out even more because this is simultaneously Wonderland*

So, in all seriousness, a few places are missing commas. Those places would be "I fell and fell", "where it ends", ""Drink me" it beamed" and "why be sad". The poem was terrific, as usual and I love that you went with the Wonderland theme!

I am not going to bother with a meaning at the moment because I am lazy woman, and I can hardly keep my eyes open. (I really need to take a nap.)

Overall, I loved the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Halloween! I really need to go now Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you!




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Fri Nov 03, 2017 2:28 pm
zaminami wrote a review...



Hello woahhitherepal! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review as requested!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
I fell and fell

down the hole,

{and} where it ends{,}

nobody knows.

"Drink me{,}" it beamed{.}

"{F}orget your dread{.}

{W}hy be sad

when you can be

numb instead?"

3/5 {Again, what is this here for?}


My interpretation:



I didn't really get what this was about. It's not nearly as clear as most of your other poems...

Overall:



Overall, I liked, but the jump from the rabbit hole to the milk bottle was a bit random. Also, the meaning of the poem is unclear, so you should probably fix that.

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

Image


This review courtesy of
Image






hello kara
sorry this isnt very clear
its kind of talking about the affects of alcohol in a sense while trying to keep my wonderland theme
also like my other poem it has the ?/5 that's 1: to help me keep track of how many ive written and how many i have left
2: its so people can read them in order if they want
like this one is 3 out of 5 sorry that was unclear
thank you for the feedback though (:
>Adrian



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54 Reviews

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Fri Nov 03, 2017 2:41 am
woahhitherepal says...



@flumadiddle @DemonGoddess NEW POEM PALS AYE




DeerInBacPac says...


YISSSSSSS thanks for the tag and happy thanksgiving! (I can say it now its November don't judge me.)



zaminami says...


I SHALL REVIEW




"He looks like a turtle who's been through the Vietnam war."
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi