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a Romantic interest

by wispful

The pencil sits in front of him but he doesn’t write, not because he has no mind, but because he has no want. He has no drive. The calculator sits to the left of him but he wants right out of the chair and into his bed, into his head. Where dreams dash and twirl, and geometry is not yet pioneered. No maths, no sciences; Only museums, and cemeteries, and libraries. The Romantic poets await for him. He is drenched in Keats’ kisses. Lord Byron whispers to him the latest olde gossip, and Wordsworth hands him the daintiest daisy. Soon, his body is wrapped in the daisy chains. No calculations or periodic tables needed for sitting in nature. There is no need for theorems and postulates when counting stars, climbing trees, chasing bees. A quill sits in front of him and he writes the most beautiful sonnet. 

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229 Reviews

Points: 1743
Reviews: 229

Tue Dec 18, 2018 2:22 am
Horisun says...

I can relate. One-time in class, it was so boring, and nothing important was happening, so I just day dreamed. Lucky, too, cause that's how I got my idea for a novel. This little paragraph is actually better than most of my novel! :D You have a knack for this kind of thing. Ever considered poetry?

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31 Reviews

Points: 3110
Reviews: 31

Mon Oct 29, 2018 5:08 am
SnowMonkey wrote a review...

First off, this is a super cool piece and totally relatable. Like heck with math and science.

I like how he's so intimidated by a pencil, because to him it means math and science, but the quill he relates to poetry and lovely literature.
I also love how you portray his longing for nature with talking about the stars, trees, etc.

However I do partly agree with Firerose, it does read similar to a poem, but I would define it more so as prose, because for one, you wrote it more similar to traditional prose -- with no lines breaks or stanzas -- and because it lacks rhythm, which most poetry really pays attention too.

Spoiler! :

And just so you know, stanzas aren't all so confusing, and I'd say the best way to learn how to use them is simply to read some poems. A stanza is just basically a group of however many lines, set apart from other lines due to subject change. It's basically what a paragraph is in an essay.

It may seem like there are so many rules to poetry, and sometimes there are for structured poetry, but free verse is an open form of poetry. It doesn't use consistent meter patterns, rhymes, and sometimes rhythm. Free verse is actually very similar to prose except that it very much gives the look of poetry with lines breaks. So for example, if you basically add some stanzas and line breaks to this piece, It could be
classified as free verse.

But if you don't think poetry is your cup of tea, you totally have a talent for writing this stuff.
It was very enjoyable to read and I loved the imagery painted in my mind from reading this.

Loved this and It would be awesome (and very much appreciated) if you could tag me in your future works. Keep up the awesome writing. :)

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162 Reviews

Points: 4265
Reviews: 162

Tue Oct 16, 2018 2:01 pm
FireSpyGirl wrote a review...

Hi there!
Welcome to YWS!! I hope you enjoy it here. So this is a good story, and I just have a few things suggestions I would like to put out there and I hope they help! First off, this reads more like a poem to me. That mostly lies in the Rhythm though. Everything else is just a few words that need to be switched around. "He wants right out of the chair..." That part is a little awkward. I would say something like this: "He cannot wait to get out of the chair." I would also put a comma between "the left of him" and "But he wants right out of the chair."
That helps the reader to not feel so rushed and it smooths it out.
Again, Good story, and I hoped this helped!

wispful says...

Hello firerose!
I'm actually really surprised that it read as a poem haha! I've always been so intimidated by writing poetry. The "rules" of stanzas and iambic blahblahmeter has always confused me. I agree with your suggestions, thank you!

FireSpyGirl says...

Just in case you care, I do poetry, and while I have learned about all the different pentameters, they also confuse me. I do what is called free-form, and that is pretty easy. :)

Don't be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.
— Roy T. Bennett