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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Wow. Just... wow. I loved the imagery that this gives, the message, is wonderful. I completely understand the shackle of society and think that it is a great choice of words that sums up the whole of the poem. I also love the line, 'my voice fades away'. I think it illistrates the feeling that individuals seem to not matter in society.
By the way, is the line, 'the fingers that reside inside my throat,' also a reference to bullimia? That would make a sick kind of sense in the poem...
And just so you know, and I know I have never met you, don't hate yourself. Trust me, just don't. It's not worth it.
Thank you so much
I hoped people would understand. I've always liked the idea of a poem being clear enough so a reader can understand it without the writer spelling it out for them.
Yes that line does reference an eating disorder behaviour, not specifically bulimia though.
Thank you I think the poem does express a lot of the frustration within me but I do try not to.
Fair enough. Everyone feels like thatsometimes.
You conjure quite a powerful image, but, like others said, it's hard to see the link between the Shackles and your imperfection. I think I may know where you were going with that, but others may not, and I'm not even quite sure myself.
I can really relate to the overall message, though, and I'm sure others can, and this is quite well written.
8/10
Grammar/spelling: Perfect. No mistakes at all.
Language: No frills, but that's good. It gets the job done without making me reach for a dictionary.
Presentation: Nicely separated, neat, and the italics are nice.
Imagery: Needs improvement. You start with shackles of society, and end up with ugliness within, which doesn't quite follow.
Thanks
I don't know. Maybe each person who reads it will come away with a different perspective or idea if what it means.
I may go back to working on the poem since I can see your point about the imagery.
Thank you for reviewing.
Wow. This is pretty intense. I like your idea of "the shackles of society", but I don't understand why you feel this way from this poem. Obviously there is hurt, but your idea is too general... needless to say, anybody could have written this. I think you could do a lot with this idea and put yourself, not just the idea of yourself, into this piece.
Also, what is the relationship between "the shackles of society" and you hating yourself. There is a diaspora in this poem that really needs to be cleared up.
The connection between the shackles and the hatred is the idea that no matter how much we try and get away from the image that society paints of a perfect person, a perfect women and accept the fact we're beautiful but the truth is we're surrounded by it all the time and while some can just shake it off and see that they are beautiful just being themselves others get caught up and try to fit into society's idea of perfect which is un-achievable. I left that stanza a little ambiguous I think. I don't know if the reasons are really needed I wanted the poem to give a message I suppose and my reasons for feeling this way aren't really that significant. Although I may go back at some point and add a few lines relating to that.
Thank you for reviewing.
wow... Very depressing. Why would someone write this about themselves, for the love of me I can't understand. put a little rhyming in this and you would have a perfect sonnet.
Thanks for the review
My reasons are many and varied but I think to some extent everyone has felt this way at some point in their lives I guess.
Wow, I'm not much for poetry, but wow! That's a piece that really speaks for how everyone feels. Great work.
Thank you so much
And I agree pressure like this affects so many people everywhere.
Hey there :3
Nice to meet you, there's a few things I'd like to say about your piece.
1. Its very nice, I like the fact that you stick to good verse style. Your emotion throughout the piece is well put; it's always there so no one can say they don't know what to feel by this.
2. I do have a few question's about your poem. What hatred do you have for yourself? What do you see in yourself that is ugly? These are a few question's that I'd ask while reading this poem because most poets are specific in their writing. Being specific creates more mood and an understanding of the content while still being poetic.
Other than those few things, this is a wonderful poem. Thank you for your time,
~Whitewolfpuppy
The questions you asked have very long-winded answers and like I said before I may go back and try to inject bits of myself within the poem but I think this is a ambiguous piece which does give a lot about me. You may just have to read between the lines.
Thank you for your kind review. I haven't actually written something in ages so I was nervous about posting this
~wuafs~