The Princess And The Troubadour

Legend tells of a beautiful Princess. A beauty so rare that people were said to have fainted before the face. Her skin was as perfect as a china dolls, porcelain and delicate. 

Her lips were such a lovely deep crimson red they would make grown men sigh. Her eyes were brighter than the bluest sky, the twinkle in each supposedly a liberial sprinkling of stardust. Her long dark hair shone and flowed gracefully down her back. And when she smiled, her smile would make anyone fall in love with her. This Princess was named Neura and she possessed all the essential royal qualities. She was graceful, loyal, charming, intelligent and polite.  

But, there was a problem. Neura had a chip in her heart . A small one but a significant one. Quite like a chip you would find on a glass or cup so that everytime you drink from it, your lips will be cut and bleed. 

But unlike an ordinary cup, a heart can not just be thrown out because of some chip. Neura was afraid. She didn't want her heart to be hurt again. She worried, another chip would break her forever. She looked at her heart, saw the chip and the scratches and the handprints that other people had left on it and she made a bad decision. 

She stopped loving. 

Without a heart she could not love, she could not love and she could not get hurt. She sliced herself open with a letter opener, removed her heart and stitched herself back up with her darning needle. She set about hiding her heart, ripping the muscle into various pieces. She stored all the fragments in secret special places. Ten of the smallest pieces went into ten neat, white envelopes along with letters to ten people she could no longer love. The blood stained the pages, ruining her beautiful, honest words. She tied the envelopes together with ribbon, that quickly became red, and placed them in a silver box alongside her memories. Then she locked the silver box, hiding the key in her blood spoiled petticoats and moved on. She encased another piece in concrete, and stored another under her floorboards. The last, biggest piece, she wrapped in delicate fabric before burying it in the garden by her favourite oak tree. 

Word spread throughout of Princess Neura's unhappy face and many Princes came, near and far, determined to win her over, determined to make her smile. They juggled, they told jokes, they ate fire balancing on balance boards, they even rode unicycles, yet her expression never changed. She showed no interest. She couldn't smile anymore. 

Time passed, in that funny way it does and the Princess slowly stopped trying. Neura locked herself away in the castle and wouldn't talk to anyone. 

The Queen worried for her mentality. 

In a nearby forest a young troubadour was walking in the trees when he heard this odd thumping sound, familiar. He stopped and listened. He then started following the sound, curious and compelled, running as he got nearer and nearer.  

The Princess was ill. Her beautiful face was as white as the moon. A Doctor named the 'Wise Woman' was called for but it was undeniable, there was not alot she, or anyone could do. Without her heart she would die. She was so weak, she couldn't muster the strength to tell anyone where she had hidden the pieces of her heart. A declaration was made, everyone in the land must search for the pieces of the Princess' heart. 

Meanwhile, the troubadour was running towards the sound. He stopped by a huge oak tree, sure that the peculiar sound was coming from beneath. He got down on his hands and knees and started to claw at the ground in unnatural desperation. The soil was loose and so he soon found the small package and opened it up, discovered the small pink piece of the heart. It was dying, slowly turning black. He wondered who would do such a thing. The troubadour quickly wrapped back up the heart, taking care and holding it safely to his chest, he hurried through the rose garden approached and then knocked on the castle door. A servant answered the door and when it is realised what the man holds he is hurried to Princess Neura's chamber. The 'Wise Woman' says there is hope, but only if the troubadour can find the other pieces. The troubadour looks at the sickly pale Princess lying in the bed and his heart lurches. He falls in love, instantly. He now knows he has to save her. He becomes aware of faint beating and puts his ear to the floor, he is sure of it and sends for a crowbar. He rips up the floorboard, revealing another piece of her heart. He hands it to the 'Wise Woman' and runs off to find the next. He again hears tumping as he runs through the castle, ten rhythmic beats. He races up several flights of stairs to where the silver box is, in the library and brings it back down to the 'Wise Woman.' He starts to piece the fragments together like a puzzle. The young troubadour once more runs off to follow the sound of beating, outside where two stone masons our rebuilding a broken wall. It is soon realised that the last, vital piece has somehow ended up inside the wall. The determined man grabs an axe and starts to demolish the wall. When he has searches the rumble and finds the last piece he runs back to the Doctor, axe in one hand, last piece of Princess Neura's heart in the other.

A problem arises. The troubadour fears that if he tries to remove the concrete from around Princess Neura's heart, he might accidently chop it in half. He explains this to the 'Wise Woman.' The Queen starts to tremble as the 'Wise Woman' explains that without a complete heart the Princess will not survive. The Queen collapses into a torrent of tears. 

'Would the Princess survive with a piece of someone else's heart?' the troubadour asks the 'Wise Woman'.

'The person who sacrifices themselves will most likely die, but yes,' the 'Wise Woman' answers.

The young troubadour offers a piece of his heart. 

The 'Wise Woman' removes a small piece of the troubadour's heart and places it with the pieces of Princess Neura's. The Princess gasps and awakes sitting upright in the bed. The light goes out of the troubadour's eyes. The Princess looks into the dying eyes of the loving troubadour and no longer feels afraid. He heard her heart beating when no one else could. 'My Saviour' she kisses him softly. A crystal tear drops onto his cheek. His eyes flutter and he wakes. The Princess embraces him. 'You saved me,' she says.

And they all just lived.

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tinkembell
Review

Wow, I thought this was really good, just a few nitpicks;

williamwordsworth wrote:Meanwhile, the troubadour was running towards the sound. He stopped by a huge oak tree, sure that the peculiar sound was coming from beneath. He got down on his hands and knees and started to claw at the ground in unnatural desperation. The soil was loose and so he soon found the small package and opened it up, discovered the small pink piece of the heart. It was dying, slowly turning black. He wondered who would do such a thing. The troubadour quickly wrapped back up the heart, taking care and holding it safely to his chest, he hurried through the rose garden approached and then knocked on the castle door. A servant answered the door and when it is realised what the man holds he is hurried to Princess Neura's chamber. The 'Wise Woman' says there is hope, but only if the troubadour can find the other pieces. The troubadour looks at the sickly pale Princess lying in the bed and his heart lurches. He falls in love, instantly. He now knows he has to save her. He becomes aware of faint beating and puts his ear to the floor, he is sure of it and sends for a crowbar. He rips up the floorboard, revealing another piece of her heart. He hands it to the 'Wise Woman' and runs off to find the next. He again hears tumping as he runs through the castle, ten rhythmic beats. He races up several flights of stairs to where the silver box is, in the library and brings it back down to the 'Wise Woman.' He starts to piece the fragments together like a puzzle. The young troubadour once more runs off to follow the sound of beating, outside where two stone masons our rebuilding a broken wall. It is soon realised that the last, vital piece has somehow ended up inside the wall. The determined man grabs an axe and starts to demolish the wall. When he has searches the rumble and finds the last piece he runs back to the Doctor, axe in one hand, last piece of Princess Neura's heart in the other.


for me this part is really boring, we get it, he finds some heart, brings it back, finds some heart, brings it back. It's too reppetitive for me.

Also you say the 'Wise Woman' as if that is what she claims to be but you don't believe her, it's ok the first time but just leave it as the Wise Woman after that.

You jump from it being the past ( as in the legend you say it is) to the present. Stick with one.

Maybe it would help to read it out loud too, to help the fluency.

I couldn't deal with the ending, "And they all just lived."??? Please try to think of something more I don't know, interesting?

Other than that I thought this was very impressive :)

keep up the writing :P

~ Tinkem

oh and maybe you could ask somebody to move this to fantasy short stories? It would go better there



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