Hey there! This is Nata here for a quick review 
The first thing I'd like to say is: awesome piece! Super excited for the next installment!
So some things I want to discuss.
1. The wording in this sentence:
He lifted his head up from the concrete floor which him and 8 others called home.
I think it would sound a little better if it went like this: He lifted his head up from the concrete floor which he and eight others called home.
2.
They never knew the sweetness of a mother’s food. They never knew how a family felt.
Again, I think it would sound a bit more polished if it went like this: They never tasted the sweetness of a mother's food. They never knew what being apart of a family felt like.
3. Continuing with the whole thing about wording, here's another part where I think you can improve.
They never knew the small things in life, like how it feels to sleep on a bed. Or how it feels to get water whenever you want.
This could possible change to: They never experienced the small things in life, like how it felt to sleep on a bed. Or how it felt to be able to get whenever you wanted.
4.
Emotions. What make every human a human. Such without, you are barely a shell, with no snail. Such without, you are a house, not a home. And such without, you are a poet with no ink.
I really like these lines! I think they help get across your message very well, although, how does it relate to the rest of the chapter?
5.
I think we can both agree the last 'was' is unnecessary!There in his cage, was a man was.
6.
“Who are you?!”
“Unfortunately, you will never realise in your lifetime. I can teleport you anyway you want, any time-”
I think it would be very effective if during these two lines of dialogue you described the characters more. What kind of aura does Jumanah have? What was Adams first impression of him? Give the readers more than just his appearance, even if it's a tiny detail. For example, the type of accent Jumanah has. He needs more character depth.
7.
The last thing Adam saw was Jumanah’s disappointed look on his face.
And lucky last, I think the wording here is a little jumbled up. Did you mean to say: 'The last thing Adam saw was the disappointed look on Jumanah's face.'?
Anyway, I hope I was of some help!
I can't wait to review your piece, so let's jump right in. Ready? Set? Go!
What a lame answer from Juma's mouth. I couldn't believe it when I first read it, because the future isn't something to be taken lightly at all. These are serious stuff with consequences (either good or bad) on Adam's life. I would like to think that Juma would object or try to explain more, especially since a human life of a special powered one is all depending on his hands.
Points: 420
Reviews: 9
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