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Young Writers Society


12+

Faith - Chapter Four

by willachilles


Faith

A story about time, faith, and love

CHAPTER Four

Still stunned, I walked out of the library. I was unable to comprehend anything, my head aching the more I thought about it. Blue box was used in 1900’s, yet it was on my photograph? I had only taken those photos around 6 or 7 years ago; definitely not in the 1900’s. I wanted to double check the photos to make sure the same police box was on there.

And that’s exactly what I did. After unlocking the front door, I ran upstairs and took the camera off my desk. After the camera lens zoomed out and focused, I was finally able to press through each of the images. I hopped through all of them until - “Ah.” I found it.

Like a blue smear across a page, the police box camouflaged in with the surroundings. You could only just see it - like someone knew that I was going to take the picture and tried to hide it. My fingers let go off the camera and tossed it on my bed. Magnifying glass - ugh, where is it? I checked everywhere, absolutely everywhere, but nothing resembling a magnifying glass was found.

Then it hit me - I could use a computer. School computers weren’t always that great, but if you found one that worked - it would be just like you only bought it a few years ago. Yes. That’s the way to go. I would have to install some sort of software which could zoom into images, yet keep them unpixelated. So much work! And by the word ‘work,’ I was reminded of all the work I had to get finished by tomorrow. Couldn’t Year 12 be a little easier? I cleared my thoughts and set off to work.

*****

Things were tough back home. Abba was tense. All the time. He was still working full time, and he was still worried about me and the job at the carwash. And I understand why. Who would want their 19-year-old working at a car wash, just to support the family? 

But at the same time, it’s compulsion. I had to do work for not just me but Abba. We need as much money going into repaying the loan. Oh, that loan. It’ll kill us one day. And I didn’t mean that figuratively either. The bank we had made the deal with was so strict, as in you had to pay a certain amount every week. It wasn’t like it was a normal amount either.

I had quit my job from that day on. I called up the car wash manager and just told him I wouldn’t be working from now. I don’t want to see my dad this stressed, tense, and quiet. But...that works both ways, doesn't it? I need to help in some way...oh, how I wish he didn't know.

Grandpa was a different topic. We all had known he was going to die one day. I knew Grandpa had known it as well. Leukemia was incurable. The only thing we had been able to do was hope. But it hadn't been enough.

*****

The BIOS error set off to work again, as I rushed to the library to get a computer which worked. Pressing the ‘on’ button repeatedly on all the computers in the row, I saw which one (out of the one’s that actually worked) booted up the fastest, and sat down at the chair in front of it. 12:30. Lunch ends at 1:10. Come on computer, work!

I had to install a program onto the school computer. The words 'installing' and 'school computer' are oxymorons in their own way. But I had a 'cheat' of some sorts. I took out my diary, and flipped to the page where I had written it down. I knew I would need it some day. It was an administrator password which I had received from one of my classmates. I hastily typed it in and hit install. I was getting the spinning circle of death until finally, the installation screen came up. Boo yeah!

After all the installing and loading, the program finally came up and I uploaded the photo from my camera onto it. Alright, finally. After clicking the enlarge button on the computer, I chose the area I needed enlarging.

“Charles, what exactly are you doing?” A deep voice resonated behind me. I turned my neck around and in front of me was Mr Gordon, the strictest teacher in the school.

“Uhh…” I did not plan for this! What was I supposed to say? “This is just my photography assignment.” Great. That was two really lame excuses. Once for the job incident, and now. In front of Mr Gordon.

“Hmm..." I don't think he believed me. I was getting ready to say sorry when, "Sorry for interrupting you. Right, you continue on with that.” My excuse worked?! Leaving that aside, I spun back around and continued on. ‘Loading: 99%’ Then in a flash, that blue blur became an image which I could barely recognize.

A beacon-like lantern stood proudly on top of the oxford blue box, with a stepped roof below it. The words ‘Police Public Call Box’ stretched proudly around all four sides of the box. And then two square windows on either side of the halved, wooden skirts. My eyes rolled to them, to see inside. And that was when I saw it. A face. 

Black hair, brown eyes, exotic skin color an– Wait...what?

What I saw was not just any face.

It was my face.


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Wed Sep 02, 2015 10:08 pm
Mea wrote a review...



Hey hey! Back for another review!

Overall
This part is a good continuation of the last, and you do a great job portraying Charles' emotions as he finds out about all this. I can feel his excitement, and knowing what's going to happen just makes me more excited!

Logistics:

There are a few logistics that don't quite line up for me in this chapter.

1. Really, the 1900s wasn't that long ago. Technically, it only ended 15 years ago. Even if the story was taking place in 2015, it's not at all impossible that one could have been there several years ago when the photo was taken, as a relic or something. (Especially if he's in Britain. I don't think he is, though...?) So for all Charles knows, they showed up in the 90s instead of the 50s and 60s, and it would be perfectly feasible for one to be there. Maybe you could have it so that in another picture he took, it wasn't there. Or you could have the woman in the last chapter specify that they're from the 60s and there aren't any around today.

2. It is simply not possible for a computer to zoom in on a digital image and not become pixelated. The computer would have to create information from nothing in order to have more pixels. There are sharpening tools and techniques, but they only work to a point. Just be careful how you word it, so it sounds believable.

However, if it were a film camera and a physical photograph, he could probably use a microscope or a magnifying glass to zoom in really far. (Don't take my word for it though.)

3. Most school computers don't let you download software onto them. Also, where would he get the software? A program good enough to sharpen images like that would probably cost money. It would be far more likely that the school computers already have photo manipulation software for an art course or something like that.

4. I'm confused about the whole middle section. At first, I thought Charles was telling how he had quit the carwash job that afternoon, but then this:

Grandpa was a different topic. We all knew he was going one day. I know Grandpa knew it as well. Leukemia was something which was incurable. We just had to hope. But hoping wasn’t enough.


makes it read sort of like he's still alive. Again, it's a matter of tense, I think.

Re-worded to make the past tense more clear:
Grandpa was a different topic. We all had known he was going to die one day. I knew Grandpa had known it as well. Leukemia was incurable. The only thing we had been able to do was hope. But it hadn't been enough.


Using the past tense like this also makes it sound nicely final and depressing.


Black hair, brown eyes, exotic skin color an– Wait...what?

What I saw was not just any face.

It was my face.

I loved this part because at first I assumed it was the Doctor, and I was just trying to figure out which Doctor. Then you said "exotic skin color" and I went "What? Did you make up a new Doctor?" XD

My one problem with this is that in my experience, people don't describe their own skin color as "exotic," even if they're not talking about someone else with that skin color. To them, their skin color is normal. Just say something like "brown" or whatever his skin color actually is.


And that's all I've got for you today! I'm really excited to see where this is going. I can't wait until he meets the Doctor!




willachilles says...


Thanks for following up your first review! Again, lovely to see you enjoyed my chapter!

Alright, for your first point - after doing a bit of research, I figured out that police boxes weren't actually used after around the 60's, so it is quite far away...

And for your second point...I'm gonna let you in on a secret...Shhh...its actually 2020. I'm gonna reveal that in Chapter 7.

For number 3, I'll rewrite it and fix it up.

And for the rest of it - ditto!

:D

Thanks for being so excited about my chapter - it means a lot!

-willa



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Tue Sep 01, 2015 10:31 am
OliveDreams wrote a review...



Chapter 4! I took a break last night so I could come back with a pair of fresh, well rested eyes.

Things I liked;

I like that your MC is beginning to sound younger. By giving him the excitement of the camera and the photo of the police box, you’ve injected some youth into him that I felt he was missing. This makes him much easier to relate to.

haha I love your description of turning all the computers in the school on just to find one that works! This actually happens!! Its nice to know that you know what you’re talking about.

Fantastic twist at the end. Yet again, you’ve made me want to read on & thats a tough job now that we’re on chapter 4!

Things I think you could improve;

Who would want their 19-year-old working at a car wash, just to support the family? I mean, I wouldn’t want my kids to do that.
- Be careful here. You’re bordering on breaking through that fourth wall between your MC and reader. Think about if you really want him to talk directly to us. It’s a hard aspect to keep going & there needs to be a reason why you’d want to.

I’m a bit confused as to why he would be worrying about the loan, the repayments and how strict the bank is but in the next sentence he’s quit his job? You could maybe switch it up & he could be thinking about secretly asking for some more hours. He could want to relieve some of that stress that Abba has.

I hope that the strict teacher has more of a role later on in this story...otherwise his appearance didn’t really mean much if you know what I mean?

Chapter Five Five Five.

Olive <3




willachilles says...


Hey, hey, hey, you're back! Thanks for coming back!

Yeah, I see what you mean about the fourth wall thing and stuff.

And I think what I was trying to get through was the fact that he doesn't want to see his dad so quiet and so tense. This is what I was meaning to say: his dad was shocked by two things at once.
Firstly, his son working. And it's not just that his son is working. It's that his son is working to support him. That's the big deal.
Secondly, his dad dying. Self-explanatory.
That's why he is so...unnerved.

I think the idea of him wanting more hours is good. I think I'll add that.

And yes! The strict teacher will have an appearance...hopefully...*thinks*

Thank you, and sorry for the long reply.

:D



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Sun Aug 30, 2015 9:57 pm
artybirdy wrote a review...



Happy Review Day!

Just to inform you, I haven’t read the previous chapters and, hence, this review will only be based on this one.

Nitpicks:

My mind had just been shattered into 100 pieces.

1. It doesn’t sound very . . . nice. Unless that was the effect you hoped for, try to rephrase it. For example: I was unable to comprehend if that was actually the case, my head aching the more I thought about it.
2. If you don’t prefer my first suggestion, then spell out the number, 100, to make it look consistent.
Blue box, was used in 1900’s, yet it was on my photograph?

The first comma breaks up the flow; it isn’t needed.
I wanted to double check the photos, to make sure that on them was the same box - police box - was on there.

This sentence is a little too wordy and sounds awkward when I read it.

Try:

I wanted to double check the photos to make sure the same police box was on there.

On a complete separate note, is this a Doctor Who fan fiction?

After the camera lens did its thing

What thing? It'd be better if you could describe what it does.

Mr Gordon, the strictest teacher in the school.

Describe his physical appearance here perhaps, or tell us what other students thought of him and how he gained his reputation as “the strictest teacher”.

“Oh, oh, I am so sorry for interrupting you. Right, you continue on with that.”

He believed the excuse so quickly? It’d be realistic if he first stares suspiciously at Charles, trying to see if he’s lying.

Overall, I think you brushed over the details and didn’t develop the scenes as well as you could have done; it basically felt like you rushed it. I was also confused about the mid-section of this chapter. It did not fit in with the first half and the end. If it’s a back story you’re trying to tell us, you should aim to slip in through characters’ thoughts, dialogues, and actions. It’s more effective and doesn’t feel like you info-dumped. If I’m missing something here because I didn’t read the previous parts, please kindly ignore my suggestions.

Great cliff-hanger! It’s definitely made me eager to read ahead. I enjoyed reading the chapter as it was full of mystery. Let me know when you post the next part. I’d love to review it.

Well done, and keep writing!




willachilles says...


Wow.

I really needed a review on this, and you've just ticked all the boxes! THANK YOU!

I loved your suggestions, and I saw where you, as a reader, were coming from. I'll fix them all up, and I'll rewrite a few bits here and there.

On the completely side note: yes. Read the last line of the fifth chapter.

Thank you, once again.

-willa



artybirdy says...


No problem at all! Glad I could help. :)



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Sun Aug 09, 2015 3:31 pm
Mea says...



Okay, I'm following this now. XD Tag me when the next one comes out!




willachilles says...


Yes, definitely!



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Sun Aug 09, 2015 3:17 pm
ChocolateCello says...



Image

Ahhhhhhh yessss!




willachilles says...


Yes! Peeps getting excited about my chapter!

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Sun Aug 09, 2015 2:25 pm
jumpingsheep says...



*punches air*
Plot twist!

It's about to get timey-wimey up in here.




willachilles says...


Wibbly-wobbly timey wimey, indeed.




Alexa, are there European frat boys
— Carina