Hey hey! Back for another review!
Overall
This part is a good continuation of the last, and you do a great job portraying Charles' emotions as he finds out about all this. I can feel his excitement, and knowing what's going to happen just makes me more excited!
Logistics:
There are a few logistics that don't quite line up for me in this chapter.
1. Really, the 1900s wasn't that long ago. Technically, it only ended 15 years ago. Even if the story was taking place in 2015, it's not at all impossible that one could have been there several years ago when the photo was taken, as a relic or something. (Especially if he's in Britain. I don't think he is, though...?) So for all Charles knows, they showed up in the 90s instead of the 50s and 60s, and it would be perfectly feasible for one to be there. Maybe you could have it so that in another picture he took, it wasn't there. Or you could have the woman in the last chapter specify that they're from the 60s and there aren't any around today.
2. It is simply not possible for a computer to zoom in on a digital image and not become pixelated. The computer would have to create information from nothing in order to have more pixels. There are sharpening tools and techniques, but they only work to a point. Just be careful how you word it, so it sounds believable.
However, if it were a film camera and a physical photograph, he could probably use a microscope or a magnifying glass to zoom in really far. (Don't take my word for it though.)
3. Most school computers don't let you download software onto them. Also, where would he get the software? A program good enough to sharpen images like that would probably cost money. It would be far more likely that the school computers already have photo manipulation software for an art course or something like that.
4. I'm confused about the whole middle section. At first, I thought Charles was telling how he had quit the carwash job that afternoon, but then this:
Grandpa was a different topic. We all knew he was going one day. I know Grandpa knew it as well. Leukemia was something which was incurable. We just had to hope. But hoping wasn’t enough.
makes it read sort of like he's still alive. Again, it's a matter of tense, I think.
Re-worded to make the past tense more clear:
Grandpa was a different topic. We all had known he was going to die one day. I knew Grandpa had known it as well. Leukemia was incurable. The only thing we had been able to do was hope. But it hadn't been enough.
Using the past tense like this also makes it sound nicely final and depressing.
Black hair, brown eyes, exotic skin color an– Wait...what?
What I saw was not just any face.
It was my face.
I loved this part because at first I assumed it was the Doctor, and I was just trying to figure out which Doctor. Then you said "exotic skin color" and I went "What? Did you make up a new Doctor?" XD
My one problem with this is that in my experience, people don't describe their own skin color as "exotic," even if they're not talking about someone else with that skin color. To them, their skin color is normal. Just say something like "brown" or whatever his skin color actually is.
And that's all I've got for you today! I'm really excited to see where this is going. I can't wait until he meets the Doctor!
Points: 90000
Reviews: 1085
Donate