I dream about many things. I dream about ordinary things like what it would be like to hold hands with the cute boy in my class, or what it would be like to fly. But I also dream about not ordinary things. Extraordinary things.
When I lie down in the dewy grass in my backyard in the dark blanket of night, I dream about reaching up to the sky and catching a shooting star. I would put it in a jar, take it into my room and set it on my bedside table. The star's light would illuminate my lavender walls and cast a warm glow on my face as I drift off to sleep.
When I wake up in the morning and walk over to my closet, I dream about it being full of mysteries. When I open the door, I imagine that a different surprise is waiting for me every day. Yesterday I imagined that behind the door was a sunset on a quiet, still beach. I felt the salt on my tongue, carried over by the warm ocean breeze, tickling my lips into a smile. Today was a frozen waterfall, each droplet suspended in the air by an invisible string. When I touched the glass like ice, the waterfall immediately started flowing again, the water spilling over my fingertips just out of reach to hold. When I would pull my hands back, the water would freeze again, like a paused movie.
I don't know for certain why I am a dreamer. My doctors say it is because of my attention problems that I dream. I enter my own little worlds all of the time during school and I have trouble making friends. My parents say that it is because of how much I read books in my room. I don't think it is either of these. I think it is because of my wings.
Everyone has wings. They just don't see them. But I do. The bullies at my school have wings. Wings that are blood red steel, shaped in razor sharp spikes that cut like a knife if they need to. But the center of the wings are blue. Soft and sad begging for some affection, desperately wanting the weight of the steel lifted off of their shoulders. To be loved. My mother's wings are beautiful. They are brilliant yellow dotted in the same pattern as a delicate swallowtail butterfly. Her center is a emerald green, perfectly matching her eyes, the way she shows kindness. My Mom's eyes radiate love to everyone around her. My wings. I love the most of all.
My wings are violet, speckled with velvety red and sweet pink spirals all weaving through the tips of the wings. My center is different from a lot of people's. Mine sparkles. It shines bright, brighter than any star I can dream up. I don't know exactly what it means, but I know one thing. It is the sign of a dreamer.
The wings show who people really are. I have learned that over the years. I have learned not to judge people by their weaknesses. I learn to judge them by their center. I see the best in people, and I can dream the best in anything. I believe that anything is possible. I believe that not all bees sting. I believe that not all angels fly. I believe that everyone is special. I know because I am a dreamer. I know beacause of their wings.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,829 Reviews
Wow, this is really good! I loved how you dug under the exterior of a person (like with the bullies) to find their center, what they truly are feeling underneath. How you describe your dreamer ways and how you find a new adventure everyday just beyond the door of your closet is really creative in itself. As some of us lose that creativity and excitement as we get older and hopefully you wont lose it as you're good at expressing it! As people have pointed out, there are some grammatical errors but I won't dwell on it. Other than that, this piece is amazing. Now spread those wings and fly!
Yay! Thank you so much! I still have not edited, but I promise I will get to that soon. I am so glad you liked it! Thanks for the support!
A really pretty piece to be sure. Congratulations on your ability to capture that everyday wonder that is a world viewed through the lens of a vary capable imagination.
I wouldn't use the word "night" twice so close together here. Maybe cut out "at night"(after "when I lay down")entirely and go with that.*tongue* is the proper spelling and it should be "carried over BY the warm ocean breeze"
The visual of the active/frozen waterfall is really stunning and also original I am certain.
I love the way you write it not as if you are imagining something not there but as if you are simply describing something that no one else can see. All of us imaginative types can relate.
I might change "need" here to "choose" as no one NEEDS to cut another.
A classic example of telling vs showing. Dont tell us that your mothers wings are the same as this butterfly's, tell me what that pattern is, describe it for me like you did with your own wings.
Love the contrast here, wondrous.
*because*
All in all a pleasure to read and to review. Keep working on it. Your story is good but can be so much better(and that is a good thing, not bad). Thank you for inviting us into your world.
Emm
Thanks so much! Will make those changes!
One word.
Perfect.
I'm gonna follow you for this.
Thanks so so much!!! *follows back*
No problem! Your username kind of sounds like my life, if you put reading and writing at the end.
That is awesome! I love theater, don't you? *sighs*
Theaters a part of the fun of life. Of course, as a rookie I'm still developing my skills but it's lovely.
I love it so much! Maybe we can talk about it sometime.
Thanks again for the support!
Sure. Anytime!
Hello.
I really, really liked what you wrote, mainly because it was so well-written and so, so true. I loved the way you wrote about how everyone has wings. Your words are beautiful. You handled you words with care, which I liked.
One thing I want to point out to you is the word "bully's". Change it to "bullies". That way, you're talking about more than one bully.
Amazing work. Keep writing!!!
Thanks so much!!
You're welcome. Thank you for following me. *follows back*
THis was so beautiful and sweet and just perfect <3
Good job!
Thank you so much!!
This is a very lovely piece that flows really well. The imagery of the wings is beautiful and the way that she explained that the bully's wings showed their sad centres was specifically touching.
I felt like some of the sentences ran on a little too long, with too many commas.
One nitpick: 'When I lay down at night in the dewy grass' - 'lay' should be 'lie'
Other than that, this was an enjoyable read.
Well done!
Thanks so much!
Hiya! And happy Review Day to you!
This was beautiful, sweet, and meaningful and important to me.
This is a sweet short story. I think what's beset about it is the importance of it and how everyone can and should relate to this. I honestly don't read that many short stories here, but I definitely want to again!
The fact that everyone has their own wings because of their personality is very interesting. I think it's cool how you picked personality instead of looks or what not. That's important for people to realize.
Anyways, the nitpick.
I thought that maybe between "quiet," and "still," there could be a comma. It could probably do with or without one.
I'd like to say again how much I love this piece. It was wonderful and short and sweet and simple. That's all it needs and it's still a perfect and beautiful story. For the future, I'd love to read more stories like this that you've made.
The uniqueness of this idea that you thought of, you seemed to display it out as a great short story, wonderful job!
Nothing else I'd say about this. I also agree with @Duncan though, you had excellent imagery in this. The way you continued this story with a nice flow, you kept the tone the same throughout the whole story.
Good job!
~ Sunset101
I am glad you enjoyed it!
I know this is self promotion, but if you want to read something else of mine, I am writing a book called The Heart of Silver Gold if you want to check it out. Thanks for the advice and support! 
Alright, I'll check that out as soon as possible!
Thanks!
I want you to know that I almost cried as I was reading this piece.
You had excellent imagery and a wonderful style and tone throughout the whole story that sounded to me like warm and dreamy whisper in a positive and kindhearted way , which is exactly what I want, as it fits the context cohesively.
Let me discuss bit by bit first.
While you had excellent description I agree that you may have the 'purple prose' problem in the second and the third paragraph, but you have done both beautifully. You may wish to cut paragraph three (or choose either one as each one alone can help the story flow) and save for future uses. Who knows, by the way?
Again, choose will already be effective enough.
Then here is my favourite part:
This is really strong because you twisted the ordinary impressions bullies give people. However, the description about the wings of the protagonist's mum is a little bit cliched. Using another surprising description would help strengthen the paragraph.
Here I am not really sure about how you purposefully used simple sentence structure in the last paragraph. There are 10 sentences with the same pattern: 'I + verb + ...' The last two is tastefully done, but I think you want to join those before them into complex sentences, because right now they seem rather distracting.
Now I shall talk about the story as a whole.
The paragraphs before this I think I will call them introduction, which itself should not be such long (though you have done that so beautifully). The structure is not very balanced because half of the work is not really related to the conclusion and the message you want to bring out.
Like Flite, I think that you want to relate 'dreamers' and 'wings' more as the main themes of the story. Right now it is not very clear, and this break of connection is going to waste the beautiful imagery you have. You mentioned that the main character is a dreamer because of her (can I assume that the main character is a girl?) wings, and hints that she is a dreamer because she can see wings of other people.
Here I think your hint is too subtle for readers to find a detailed and firm connection between the first and the second part of the story before they finish reading, as your work is not really long enough to give them time to think and find the connection. People tend to judge very quickly before thinking into the depth of a work, and readers are no exception. Subtlety is not a problem, but make sure it gets revealed later in your story, or in your case (if you are not going to lengthen your story very much), have it easier to be built. Fill in more details and the story would be even more enjoyable.
I would definitely like to see more related background or future development, though leaving the story this short is not a poor choice. I think you really do need to explain a little bit more about dreamers and wings, but by any criteria you succeeded in bringing your message out. Thumbs up!
Thanks so much! I am glad you enjoyed it. Like I said to Flite, I will take the criticism to heart and do some major edits. I really appreciate it. Thanks again!
Heyo Musical, happy review day! Flite here for a review.
You have a really nice writing style here, the prose and imagery is lovely. However, it is not without flaw. This story combines several elements together, creating a myriad of messages that jumps from one to the other without clear correlation. The entire story is a very long stream-of-conscious, mixed in with some really descriptive imagery and a message at the end.
I liked the start, it sets the mood nicely and gives us a taste of what is to come. I'm not quite so happy with the rest of the chapter, the story centers around the invisible wings that everyone has. Which in itself is a lovely idea, but that brings into question the validity of paragraph two and three. You have a mild case of purple prose there, the description isn't extremely extravagant, but nor is it essential or contribute anything of value to the story. It just shows that your protagonist has a very active imagination.
says the main protagonist. Then later out, she (I'm assuming it's a she) goes on and see that she thinks it's due to her wings. So why not just nix the 'I don't know' and jump straight into the wings? Also, some logical discrepancies. From what you've described of the MC, what she does is nothing out of the ordinary.
That sounds like those kids at school who is very introverted and escapes into their own fantasied worlds via reading books. Harsh reality. The best grip you have there would be the attention problem that differs her from all the other kids. Because dreamer in this story sounds like a specific type of dreamer. Not just your ordinary dreamer but I could be wrong.
Secondly, what does seeings wings have to do with being a dreamer? The wings seem to be a manifestation of personality, taking the stereotypical bully case, they bully others because they crave control and power due to their own inability to control someone. The MC's mother's wings matches with her loving, motherly personality. Alright, your MC's wings are different and they shine. And what exactly does that mean? Isn't that what you're trying to express here?
You wrote in the conclusion that Here is my question, I want to see how she did all of those things. I don't just want a summary, and an extremely idealistic summary at that. I want a story I can sink my teeth into and realize those things by the end of it. What you have written here is the exposition and skeleton to the seed of an idea, now you need to find out just exactly what you want to tell us and base your story around that. Right now, everything is disconnected. A fragment here. Another fragment there. Then tied together by a summary that doesn't offer the readers any idea of how that your MC arrived at that conclusion.
I know I've been fairly harsh throughout this entire review, but this could be a great idea. If you've got any questions, please feel free to ask me.
-Flite
Thank you for your criticism. I actually really appreciate it. This was an off the top of my head idea so I did not think everything through clearly. Sorry to dissapoint. :/ I will take the advice to heart and do some MAJOR editing. Thanks again!
You're totally a great dreamer. But of course we must not just stay with our dreams forever. Try to look at things deeper than your dreams; try to step in the world which is real. Sometimes, we have to get out of our shells to appreciate the beauty outside of it. I hope you get my point. It's nice to dream of something ordinary or even extraordinary but don't stick with it. Make your dreams come true by not staying in the world which is not really existing. Make your wings fly up the sky by reaching your goals in life. I know you have many dreams and goals in your own life story. Pursue them! I know you can.
Anyway, I love the way you imagine things; It actually makes your mind creative. I love it so far.
I know this reply is really late, but I apprectiate your imput, and I understand what you are saying. Thank you very mch for reviewing!