Published April 20, 2010
I see the blood on my shirt.
Can it be possible that you put it there?
Am I dreaming?
Nothing seems real.
Something in your eyes, it's off; not you.
Even if a part of you were still there,
Even if you were sane, I can still see you.
My eyes burn in the light you shine.
Everything blurs, and the last memory I ever have, is you.
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140,696 Literary Works • 673,636 Reviews
I don't like the questions, they don't work. The sensory detail is sparse but what there is, is harsh. Its harsh, burning light. It just seems cliche to me. Lovers always appear as angels and are always glowing like UFOs or meteors on the horizon. I need some atmosphere, something concrete so I can step into this poem and look around, as it stands its an out of body experience, and not the pleasant kind.
What's happening here? We don't really know. The best thinng I could come up with an alien abduction.. >.>
"I can still see you" Why couldn't you see them?
"Nothing seems real" How isn't it real? What's it like for you? How is this experiance affecting you and the people around you?
Also, the very first like about the blood on your shirt, it doesn't even really go with the poem but then again, it's sort of too small for me to even say that >.>
I forgotwhat else I wanted to say. Sorry!
Good luck,keep writing.
Silented1.