they say
the grass is greener
on the other side.
but the idiot to say that,
lied.
no matter if your rich.
no matter if your poor.
you will hate the life,
you thought you would adore.
i know this for a fact.
for i have been there too.
don't change to a life,
that won't suit you.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,017 Literary Works • 672,852 Reviews
This piece needs some work. I think you should try and be more original, stick to the original idea but start again with the rest. Sorry if it sounds harsh but everything you said has been said before and probably without the punctuation mistakes. A poem like this needs to be more thought provoking.
I sure hope the grass is greener elsewhere-- it's looking pretty bare here.
Read around. You'll pick up tricks. Pay attention to what you like and how to emulate it; while twisting it to make it your own.
Best of luck,
Ed
*Sigh.*
1.1 - No need for a comma at the end of this line.
1.2 - No need for a comma at the end of this one, either.
1.3 - "to say that" should be "who said that"
1.4 - Ack. That's all I can say.
1.5-1.8 - Cliched, with bubblegum rhyme and unnecessary punctuation.
1.9 - A prime example of "oh-woe-is-me, pity-me" navelgazing. Also, looks like the period at the end should be a comma.
1.10 - More navelgazing, and this comma should be either a period or a colon.
1.11 - Dear god, what did punctuation ever do to you? There's an apostrophe in "don't." Always has been, always will be, and it's there for a REASON. Also, it seems to me that "to" should be "for."
1.12 - Stop abusing apostrophes! There is one in "won't," you know. It doesn't make you clever or avant-garde to completely ignore the common rules of writing.
You know Fand.....I really don't like you. Please don't post for me anymore. I don't think you do a very good job.