Published January 22, 2012
So, here's yet another 5 minute poem. It could use a lot of help, so please comment with your suggestions!
I asked you not to say those words.
They do not bode me well.
I asked you not to tell me that,
It removes my protective shell.
Please don’t say those words again,
For I do not understand.
I cannot fight what I cannot learn,
Or for what I have not planned.
Take back that thing you said to me,
You know of what I speak.
Take it back before I break,
And wind up six feet deep.
Do you know what it means?
To say the things you do….
Do you understand the weight,
You’ve put upon us two?
You know I want to say it back,
I know you know I do,
But as my life-time enemy,
I cannot say I love you.
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140,820 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
think that you poem is also pretty good. I don't really think it needs any improvement and you should not doubt your writing abilities. I like that this poem has a theme and a rhyme scheme that it carries till the end.
Keep writing.
Fiction
i'm not a very good person to make suggestions (this is better that most of what I write
). But I really like it and I think it's the perfect legnth. I also has a good rhyme schem and the ending ties it up perfectly!
Sorry I could see no improvements (at the moment),
Speakerskat