Published May 21, 2011
Alright, I know it's immature and stupid, but I don't really have any other way to get my feelings out, so here goes I guess.
I saw you and you saw me,
we blended together so happily.
People exclaimed "oh you two are so cute!"
You even gave me your class ring.
But obviously it wasn't meant to be,
even though we blended so happily,
and though you gave me a reason to be,
I can finally see you don't deserve me.
Your reasons were stupid.
Lies with side of bull.
I trusted you once,
enough to give you my all.
But now, left with nothing,
I'm forced to see,
you were my everything,
and now I'm just not me.
I had nothing left when I said yes to you.
And now I have lost you too.
And though we were so "happy" and cute,
now I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
The few friends I had,
were more loyal to you
and now they chose,
to leave me in the dust.
Within the last hour,
I've lost everything I had.
Yet for some strange reason,
I can't seem to be mad.
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140,833 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I thought this was a beautiful way to express your feelings. I think I understand your emotions and what you're going through; I'm going through something very similar. My favorite parts were:
Your reasons were stupid.
Lies with side of bull.
I trusted you once,
enough to give you my all.
This made me laugh, and even though this was a sadder poem, it showed your sense of humor. I liked the contrast.
Within the last hour,
I've lost everything I had.
Yet for some strange reason,
I can't seem to be mad.
This was truly lovely. Maybe in another poem, you can explain how all of this sadness does not make you mad.
It was beautiful. Keep writing.
Hi Wewein. I'm Solvy and I'm going to review for you.
First, Nitpicks:
People exclaimed, "Oh, you two are so cute!"
I think there should be a comma after "obviously".
I would write "yes" between quotation marks, but I don't know... I think that's just me. xD
<3
Okay, the first two stanzas don't make this seem like a poem, it seems more like you're writing in a diary. I can see how you improve this poem as you wrote it. Which makes the last two stanzas my favorite. <3 I love how it ends saying she's not mad because is something unexpected, it took me by surprise.
Overall: This is a good piece.
~Solvy <3
P.S. The dude was not worth it. >.> Lol.