Published April 10, 2011
When I started this I wasn't sure where I was going with it, I just suddenly felt the need to write. I was already at my computer so I just got on here and typed it up so this is my first draft. I'm sure I'll rewrite if a few times before I'm happy with it. What do you think? All reviews are helpful 
.
Hush little baby don't you cry,
I'm here to sing you a lullaby.
I know I don't quite qualify,
but I promise I'll be here tonight.
I've been watching you grow strong.
I've been here all along,
and I know this ain't my song,
but I love you, right or wrong.
I can't promise you shiny things,
I can't afford diamond rings,
but I love you with all my soul
you, little baby, have made me whole.
You weren't a mistake,
no matter what they say.
Don't listen to grandma,
I love you anyway.
You might not know your family
but I swear I'm all you need.
Daddy didn't want you,
too overwhelmed with greed.
He told me to destroy you,
to take away your life.
But I love you way too much
to ever watch you die.
So hush little baby don't you cry,
mama's gonna sing you a lullaby.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,831 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I like this better than the original song... Actually I love it. Usually I find spin-offs to be agonizingly simple or just way too different to truly be a spin-off, but this was absolutely perfect. The only couple of things I could find "wrong" were already stated, so this was basically to tell you I loved it! Keep writing and feel free to PM me if you want me to really review anything (I promise, I can write actual reviews [x). Great job! ~Lukan
I loved it. I liked how the feelings and the situation of the young single mother are slowly unravelled. Really great job. I'll do the infuriating crime of point out typos now. You wrote:
"He told me to destroy you,
to take away you life.
But I love you way to much
to ever watch you die."
In the second line, 'you' has been mistyped in the place of 'your' and in the third line 'to' should have been 'too'.
Thanks, and goodbye
You're really talented. I liked this. I showed it to my cousin, and she says to thank you for writing such an acurate description of what she and other teen mothers around the world feel.
OH MY GEE-OWW-DEE
...This poem touched the bottom of my heart!! Please don't make any unnecessary changes (especially with the rhymes 'cause they are perfect) 
Unfortunately i have nothing bad to say about this poem !! ^^ LOOVEELYYYYY!!! =D ...And very enjoyable to read too btw 
keep it up!
I really loved this, I think its perfect the way it is. I can't believe its this good as a rough draft, I mean when I write a poem I cross out and fix things up a million times until it sounds just perfect, but even then it just doesn't seem right. I really loved this though it hit me deep, and thats hard to do. I would love to read more of your work.