Just a day

Hey there!

I don't think this poem is too long. I liked this poem. There's a lot of "promise" in it.

So, don't look behind that curtain,
Don't pull back that blind,
Don't open that closet door,
and everything will be just fine.

Aww This is sad.

I don't think the poem is too long, so if it's longer than usual I think you should stick with this length. I felt both drawn in and separated from this poem, I'm not sure if that's the effect you were going for. Just the repitition of expressing pain and then asking it to be ignored, I think it may effect your reader in the wrong way, so that it's kind of hard to actually empathise when you're being told not to, if that makes sense?

I personally liked it though. It was expressive enough to get the point, but light enough to not make me cry, and at the end of the day it's good to read something sad that isn't plagued with misery. If that is your intention, then you've done a good job.

Keep it up

Hello there

I'm with Lilchoma on this one. I think that you seem to have everything so lightly written that it loses the poetic sense in terms of emotion and imagery and what not. It feels as if I'm reading it for the sake of reading it, there is nothing special drawing me into your poem. I'm not much of a poet but I think what makes a good is a general feel of the poet's emotions. This however feels forces. I hope I'm not too harsh. Keep on writing though, practice makes perfect.

Hello Wewinwelose,

I'm not much of a reviewer but I just need to say something to you.
This poem is stunning. It's rare that a poem leaves me speachless but this poem just hit me.
It's so powerful and I can really feel the emotion behind it.
I remember feeling like this. I still do, sometimes.
Keep up the great work!

Chynel.

The problem with this poem, at least in my opinion, is that it isn't particularly poetic. It has been put in the form of a poem, with stanzas and all, and it even rhymes, but there's no real imagery or choice of words to make it what a poem should be. A lot of the phrases are ones too similar to what I've heard before. They are too simply put, and there isn't much creativity in them. For example:

"the pain
behind these eyes"

"People can't hurt me
When I don't let them through,
So I'll keep up my guard"

"Don't worry about these tears you see"

"everything will be just fine"

and so on and so forth. Other than that, I find it difficult to give you much of a critique. Since I'm not seeing this as much of a poem, I believe you would do well to take your idea and put it in a pretty box with a bow on top, meaning say what you have to say, only more creatively. I mean, there are so many creative ways to talk about pain, emotional walls, tears, and everything else, you simply have to find them and use them.

Anyways, that's about all I can say for now. I'm sorry it wasn't more uplifting, please don't take it personally. I just know you've got something to say here, and I just want you to say it in the most lovely and intriguing way you possibly can.

One good thing about this is that the rhyme is consistent and didn't feel forced. There wasn't much of a rhythm, but then, I'm a firm believer in poetic freedom, so that's not a big gripe with me. Your presentation of emotion is also good. A few small nitpicks:

Forget about the pain
behind these eyes.

People can't hurt me
When I don't let them through,
So I'll keep up my guard.

What more can I do?
Don't fret over me
I'll be okay,
My pain will be over.
Just give me a day.

Just one day I promise,
I promise it'll all be through.
Give me just one day I promise
I'll make it all better for you.

Don't worry about these tears you see,
I promise it's just you and me.

So, don't look behind that curtain,
Don't pull back that blind,
Don't open that closet door,
and everything will be just fine.