A dagger. Small and dull, but its size does not compare to the damage that can be done. Oh yes, this is the key to my past, present, and future. Its handle; dark maple trickled with ebony musk, is whittled with intricate carvings. On the blade is a curse on my future in a tongue that I don't understand.
As I'm thinking about it I am also studying the dagger in my torn up hands; fiddling with it as a child would a new toy but with a whole different level of respect. I have come to the conclusion that I have no idea who wrote it or who gave it to me. Whoever it was I don't know how they know who or what I am. I have never told anyone, trusted anyone or had anyone to trust. Not even myself.....
I have more i just don't want to write it right now 
be harsh ;~)
p.s this is not the prologue it is just the first 2 paragraphs on the 1st chapter
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is certainly quite the point to be starting on. I don't know if I ever really managed to come across a story that focused quite so heavily on the idea of a singular weapon and a dagger too at that but this one does actually manage to be pretty intriguing. I wasn't expecting it to be quite as captivating as this one her managed to be but you really do manage to sell the idea of this dagger quite well I think. This definitely connected to the title quite nicely too so overall a pretty strong start here.
Hmm well this is a nice mix of vague and revealing there and I like it. It is a little bit cliché there but given this is the very start of this story that is pretty much an unavoidable situation until you end up revealing a bit more to make this more unique. At any rate I think you do manage to do just about enough here to have us wondering the origins of this dagger and of course also what sort of person this owner is to be thinking in quite that fashion. At any rate, if this was the start of a first chapter I would continue reading that chapter.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
As I'm thinking about it I am also studying the dagger in my torn up hands; fiddling with it as a child would a knew toy but with a whole different level of respect.
knew should be new. That's all I really noticed, but I'm sure there's more. *scrolls up again to look*
Aha!
On the blade is a curse on my future in a tongue I don't understand.
I think it would be better as; On the blade is a curse on my future in a tongue that I don't understand.
I like this, it's interesting. Post more!
Hae this a great start it really pulls the reader in!!!
Hey There Art
Here is my promised review. If I'd known your piece was this short, I might even have been able to get it up by Friday. Hopefully though, my review will have been worth the wait. I'm going to start taking each line and not necessarily pointing out mistakes, but I will try to point out certain pieces that I feel could have given more potent an effect if written differently. After that, I'll try to add a couple of more general writing tips. But before any of that, you asked me about the piece as a hook. I think you've managed to grab our attention well here. A confident thought from your narrator and more importantly something that makes us curious. I do think that it serves you well as an opener. Now let's take a look at some of the piece itself:
Simple but effective. I really like this as a start.
There are a couple of problems with this sentence. First and foremost, when you tell us that it doesn't compare to the damage that can be done, you qualify nothing. Perhaps the dagger does not compare to the damage that can be done by a tsunami or volcanic eruption. Tell us that the size does not compare to the damage that can be done by the dagger itself.
The second issue that I have here is that you refer to it as being dull and then revert to talking about its size. Perhaps rather talk about the daggers stature rather than its size.
Finally, you've written this in the passive voice. If you want to achieve maximum effect with describing the deadliness of the dagger write this actively, ie. "Though the dagger is small and dull, its stature does cannot compare with its ability to harm.
I like the tone of endearment with which you subtly refer to the dagger. You might notice though that you've changed tense for no apparent reason. Stick to the present tense and this will read far more smoothly.
Marvelous. I'm not sure if it is just my understanding of the term, though, but I do believe that the term whittled implies more of formation of actual shapes when engraving rather than a decoration on the handle. I could be wrong but I think that engraved might fit better here. This bit is a little vague, as I'm not sure whether I'm correct on this point.
At this stage we wander how you know that the message is a curse on your future if you can't understand the language. I think that you could get away with telling us that it was a curse were this written in the passed tense as you could have found that out post facto, but it appears a little strange in the present tense. Also, you've defined the curse as something which is written or engraved on the sword. Tell us that it is written. Be very specific.
Firstly, a 'new' toy. not a 'knew' toy. Secondly the semicolon should be a comma. Thirdly define your different level of respect. Fourthly we'd assume that you're thinking about the dagger when you study it. Don't be superfluous and unnecessarily repetitive.
Don't tell us that you've come to a conclusion. Obviously it's a conclusion if you merely tell us the facts.
For the first time in a review, I'm going to have to tell you to switch tense. They are not giving you the dagger as you narrate the story to us. Since they gave you the dagger in the past, switch the "is" to 'was'.
This seems a little random. If you feel the need to include it, I'd make it a separate paragraph.
Let's look at some more general aspects of your writing. I've only got a little to work with, but here goes:
Have a great one!
Personally, I think this is short and sweet.
Ahhh, but you said to be harsh so . . .
I have a few things to point out. I'm going to take a random shot at this - I assume that the OC has had the dagger for a while, so when you write -
I would like to see,
Or not, but if I'm right, something like that would tell the reader that they have passed a stage in life where the dagger has drastically changed it and that it is still a mysterious item even though the OC has had it long enough for it to be life-changing.
I'm not sure about this, but the start of this sentence just doesn't sound right. Try rephrasing it, like,
Hmmm, and yes I am a little bit picky about how I would word my sentences.
Come to the conclusion? I think, perhaps, you mean:
And the last part to top it all off. It has too many elipses at the end, three should be the maximum you should ever aim for.
I would have written as thus:
Overall, I would buy this book. If it ever became published, I find myself asking more nad more questions about your OC and I wanted them to be answered. I love the way you desribe things and unlike a few writers you haven't fallen into the trap of telling us what we see, you show us in a very beautiful and wonderful extensive vocabulary.
I enjoyed every second of this and I would like to read more. I hope this helps you, and if it seems annoying or mean I apologise, besides - you said be harsh. ^^
Have A Nice Day.
Azrael.
hi again...i promise what i promise yesterday
okay...firstly, on the first paragraph, you got the mood of the story, thats good...you've describe some details such as
but in the second paragraph, you have introduce th character but not enough. Is this the main character of the second paragraph or a supporting character.
if it is the MC, then you must describe a bit of themselves like what is the gender and what are they and what is happening in the story
you could say that the MC is being threatened by the dagger or he/she is holding the dagger and is about to threaten someone...
another thing is that, if a prologue contain some characters, it could be a bit more longer than this...unless the prologue is a quote by someone or a simple description of the object...
Peasant, I'm very sure, is supposed to be "present".
You need a comma after "musk". I love your description here, though. It's beautiful.
I find this sentence a little confusing. Perhaps try rearranging it to be "Whoever they are, I don't know how they could know me, or what I am."
Better? Yes, no? I think it's a little better, because I found your previous sentence confusing.
Now altogether, I think this was a tad short for a prologue. If it's a prologue. Is this the beginning chapter or the prologue?
Also, you don't need to rewrite stuff you already have written just to get it up here. You can copy/ paste, which is so much easier. The coding we have though, is hard to understand, but I'll explain it later. Like bolding stuff, or making it italic.
So great job. I think it's a wonderful book hook, if you ask me. I'd love to know everything, to know what's next, so keep writing!!
~April