Hey! Really excited to check out your essay. It's been a few days since I did a literary review (I just turned 13, woohoo!), so, my reviewing hand's been quite rusty. As always do remember that you can feel free to disregard any feedback wherever appropriate. Also, I am doing a stream-of-consciousness review, so there might be contradictions since I am pretty dumb (that should be evident) and I do sometime change my opinion on a book (ask many of the unfortunate writers). All that fluff out of the way, let's dive right in to your essay.
So, we start on a somber note. As a reader, I have to appreciate the way you do this. It is simply commendable how emotionally attached we are, just right off the bat.
However, there is some adjectives right there that are redundant. MissGangamash pointed them out very well in their review but to paraphrase: shorter is better.
Also, I also want to know: What's nostalgic about purple? (Unless, of course, you were a Real Madrid fan like me.)
The dreams are seriously tear-jerking. As somebody who's shifted like 5 times during my 13-year-old life, this happens again and again and its as painful as it was the first time. Leaving behind the friends and the atmosphere.
There's some disappointment in the later paragraphs -- it just is very close to home for me. Um, as they say, the grass is greener on the other side. At this point, It feels like I'm not reviewing but like, talking to you about how much I relate.
Ok. So, that was quite the emotional tangent that I went on. But, let's get to the point. I think your writing is quite evocative, and honestly, with a little bit of conciseness, your works are gonna make the coldest heart cry itself out. The problem, I think, is conciseness. You have fallen into a trap of purple prose (which is not always bad, evident by this story) which makes it perfectly fine, but from a reviewers perspective, flowing and unnecessary descriptions are a little bit irritating.
Honestly, I want to say a few things to you. The magic never left you. The magic is not because the leaves were redder, the creek bigger, or the church grander, in my opinion. It is because of the people you met, and the experiences you had.
I feel I want to leave it that, once again, thanks for sharing this absolute beauty of an essay.
Points: 166
Reviews: 32
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