Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this one seems to be a bit of a monologue style piece with this man just reflecting on a problem he has and berating himself for this that he can't even control. I'm not sure what the message is in this one and I'm going to try and decipher it with my mind in the state that it is. The story itself seems to flow pretty well.
Anyway let's get right to it,
As his eyes turned to the girl in the sand, he wished his soul would stop torturing him like this. Covered in sand, she seemed to be letting her spade teach her a lesson on the dynamics and nature of sand. But she was getting bored; she could do what the adults did. She was the queen of her universe, and the it seemed only right that the world would provide for her, only her, eyes and voices, only for her.
Okay a lot of random stuff being spouted out there to start things off and that's in no way a bad thing. Usually having something random and crazy is a good way to start things off because it really gets readers interested.
But he noticed his eyes had sunk into his face, and he was smiling. Picturing the girl in shades of brown. Browned eyed, maybe freckled. A little bit of all the lovers he had had. All that eventually left him, gauging his love for them by the spirit and life of his seed. And some were patient, but after Chantal’s miscarriage, he wouldn’t put himself through it again. Not ever again.
Well that does not sound good.
He wished she never came at all. He wished he could apologize to her and tell her that she could go anywhere she felt like. That she was free now. That she would have probably found more happiness in the brothels of Honk Kong, than she would beside him. She was a life decision he didn’t make; it was a choice he made so people would not remember him as a genre of conversation or category of human tragedy.
Well those are some very strong words and emotions that are being conveyed here. Definitely very interesting why all of this is running through this dude's head.
Well that ending did sum it up fairly well I suppose. Definitely could be a sad situation to be in for most people.
Aaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall its a well written piece with some great language. I don't quite get what exactly its trying to say but that it probably me being dumb so that's just my fault. Overall its a decent story and you've done quite a good job of showcasing the emotions of this man so that's also great.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 253913
Reviews: 4100
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