Published June 27, 2009
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140,826 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hello!!
I liked your poem, it held very much emotion, and that's usually good In a poem!
But, the end seemed a little vague, and you did kind of repeat yourself. I don't find repetitiveness very good for a poem, unless that's what you were intending.
Otherwise, I find your poem lovely!!
~Hailey, <3
I kind of suck at reviewing right now, so I'll just try my best not to run on:
I thought the emotion in this piece was really relatable, and that's one of the many things I love about it. I've lived some of the thoughts, feelings, and events discussed in the poem, and it's not much fun.
Keep up the amazing work!
*caitlin
Hi Walshie! June here!
So, I think this poem has some potential to it, but the way that it's currently written is not doing much for the audience, nor is it doing much for the poem.
To start, I think there's too many words, dear. I feel that you can explain all of these bottled up feelings, this confusion-- all of these feelings, in just one stanza.
For now, it's kind of info-dumpy. It's like, "Hey, here's a person, they went through this, this, this, and that."
In poetry, you really want to try your best and present the poem in a nice, unique, clear way so that the audience can understand. You need to make the angst and pain of the characters within the poem understandable, relatable and genuine. If you're giving us little tidbits of info, it's boring to us.
Also! I would suggest using stanzas in this poem that are smaller than the three you have. When we're presented with a paragraph, or large amount of words that doesn't necessarily drag us in and make us want to read until the end, it's better to use stanzas.
Nice job! Good luck writing, dear.
June
I liked this poem for the emotion, but try not to repeat words. Often in a poem or a work of fiction you use repetition as a literary device, but it looks like here you were just repeating yourself
Towards the end, I also was a bit confused as to your meaning. Having the stone's mesage "burn into your back" and then not be the girls doesn't make much sense. I'm not going to ask you to be a bit clearer, but try to not be vague.
Watch the caps. Caps, not cops
Try not to repeat words. it sounds awful.
Clear the repetitions, but I liked the idea of these verses.
All this seems too long. You didn't say quite much of anything important, only that he's wrong, now you're wrong, and he's also wrong, and you are also wrong. You need to summarize all this in a few quality thoughts.
I also mentioned the capitals. They are important, and so is the punctuation. You have way too many mistakes with it.
What I liked here were the stanzas, actually the pauses between tooooo many verses. They have sense and the reader can clearly see why they are there. I also liked the last part of your poem, it's definitely the best part.