They thought they had it figured out
But as ideas fought ideas
He'd get angry, silent
And she'd cry, brokenhearted.
She found herself wondering
If this war is what happens
When a match made in heaven
Tries to walk the earth.
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Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hello, hello, hello!
I absolutely love this poem!!! ^_^ I can relate to this so much. I think everything in this poem is perfect. I would just change one thing.
I would add a comma after "wondering" and also one after "heaven". I think it would make sense that way.
I disagree with what ConverseFireGirl said about this part.
I find it perfect just the way it is.
Usually I pick a certain part of the writers poem the is my favorite part. I can't with yours, it's just amazing. It's short, simple, and to the point; yet also touching and easy to relate to! As I said in the beginning, I happen to absolutely love this wonderful piece of work you have created!!
Keep writing,
tkpejb
This is a very nice poem here, wallflower16!
The main thing I like about this is the length, it's short, and yet well written with meaning behind it which you are portraying. This little poem completes itself and I personally congratulate you as that's so hard to do!
There's only one little improvement I'd suggest that you make, and that's to change the line:
"And she'd cry, brokenhearted."
To:
"And she'd cry, heart broken."
As to me, that just flowed better with your syllables and words...?
That's my opinion though
And like TTYF I'd suggest changing "If this war is what happens" I'd like to expand on his point and suggest that some good lines to replace it would be:
"If this war is a result"
or
"If war is what happens"
Something like that, but I don't want to change it, so you think what's best!
Sorry for the short review, but I hope it helped! Happy writing!
-CFG
It's a be very clever piece, the idea that this couple, who appear to be most of the way through breaking up, were made for each other. I also like the line "But as ideas fought ideas". This is a clever way of saying they argued, but it goes deeper, to underlying tensions. Now I am no punctuation nut but I think there should be somthing after"If this war is what happens". I don't know what though.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Hey Wallflower
According to my interpretation, I think this poem is about the oppositions young couples or people in love face from their family and the society.
It deals with the fact that how the girl gets heartbroken and the guy fights it with all his might for his love.
An amazing concept well expressed.
Hoping to read more of this kind.
Really enjoyed reading your poem. I can see a lot of potential in you.
A lovely title!
Keep writing!
Love,
Krish