Published June 6, 2012
A Boy
A boy is young when he
Still tucks his dreams – his only assets – under his pillow
Still carries his confidence – his greatest weapon – across his chest
Still carves, with all his might, on the walls of the illusionary prison
A manuscript of philosophy
His eagerness, his contempt, his proof to all the disbelievers that
He will not be the next to be fooled by the slyness of Time
Who creeps ever so softly behind
Seeping his adolescent energy day by day.
He will fight the battle in his armour of youth
And shout to the world with a shining voice
Who will listen to his victorious melody?
Who will applaud his bravery?
He will wait.
He will listen.
He will learn
That silence is golden, even as advice
To a boy
Whose years of sweat and tears
Will continue to crystallize into a beautiful night sky
Studded with the rawness and purity of lost hope
Until the moment he ceases to be
A boy.
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140,679 Literary Works • 673,590 Reviews
Hi , TazmaniaGirl to review here!
First off, may I say this is extremely talented!
I can't write a poem for DEAR LIFE! So give your self a pat on the back (or several)!
Okay, so lets start off, shall we.
Posatives -
This is very descripted, which always pulls me into something.
There are alot of big words here, and that makes it more interesting.
There is a story line in here, and that makes it SUPERB.
Negatives -
I don't think I ahve any!
Punctuation, there are some words without a fullstop at the end.
There are also some lines with out comma's, which are important in a poem.
But apart from that, VERY well done!
Keep writing!
I hope to hear more from you in the future!
~ TazmaniaGirl (BAD REVIEWER)!
Hello! I have to say, first off, that this poem was extremely well done. You style is beautiful and you are a very highly skilled writer. That said, there is just one thing I would like to comment on.
The one thing is the style you choose to represent your opinion with. I find that, at times, it is pedantic to the point that it's condescending and rather patronizing. You keep saying these lovely little things about boyhood and keep bringing up the difficulties of growing up. It is obvious that you have your opinion about what boyhood is about and what it isn't, but the line is constantly blurred as your cute little boy armed with dreams and confidence and whatnot is confronted with "lost hope" manifested from these very aspects of his personality. I feel as this style of boyhood is implied as being hopeless and full of "golden silence" that only reinforces the lost youth. I'm not really sure, but this odd mixed message of innocence, cute, confident, dreaming little boys clashes with your rigidly pedantic style and metaphors that overindulge themselves with contradictory connotations.
In all, I thought your message was interesting but the execution bothered me, personally. It seemed as though you twisted your message and instead of reveling in the beauty of boyhood, you preached it's benefits in a very adult-like manner and frankly told us the result, something that contradicts what you're trying to get across. This does not, of course, completely overshadow your masterful use literary features and technique. You're a very strong writer. I'd to know what you were thinking when you developed the concept and the style and, also, feel free to contact me for questions.
Thanks,
Threnody