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E - Everyone

When the Cool Kids Come Knocking at My Door

by wakarimasen


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Hello there, this is a courtesy visit to you

I wanna tell you what all the cool kids do

Because I wanna make a cool kid out of you

I'll tell you the things I believe to be true

.

Hello there, kind sir, can I make you see

What other kids do doesn't matter to me

There are so many things a person can be

Go swim in your oasis; I'll stay in this tree

.

But ma'am, you really should show some respect

The things I can show, you might not expect

On all that I stand for my actions reflect

A grave, grave sin it would be to reject

.

But sir, I hope you'll try to understand

Diversity is worth trying to comprehend

Please, sir, don't cross my line in the sand

From across this line, I still shake your hand

.

So you really won't try what the cool kids do

And try to enjoy all these things I hold true

I hope you get it, my favorite color's blue

So if you join us, it can still be yours too

.

But I like my rainbow of my own choice

I prefer to tune out the background noise

As I try to figure out my own equipoise

I'm so sorry to disappoint you, boys

.

But please ma'am, if you simply believe

All of this goodness you soon shall receive

That's all you need to do, then you can leave

To come back with joy, bearing your sheaves

.

Aha, I see what you're doing there

Think you can use my words anywhere

Twist 'em and turn 'em, think I care?

'Coz I know what works for me, so there!

.

But ma'am--

.

Have a nice day.


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7 Reviews


Points: 11
Reviews: 7

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Tue Mar 28, 2017 2:39 am
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jordynlp03 wrote a review...



Hey it's Jordyn! If i could only describe this poem in one word it would be "preach!" I am going to expand on why I agree with you so much tho lol. Everyone nowadays wants to make everyone else into perfect clones. It makes us not individual and like plastic dolls. My favorite line was when the visitor said his favorite color was blue and it could be hers too. It proves the point that everyone tries to be alike and do their best to hide behind others. Whatever the latest trend is, everyone will have or do it within a week. Anyway, I loved this satoricle poem because it was so relatable. I have no tips on grammar because I stink at it myself lol. Good job and keep on writing! Bye :)




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80 Reviews


Points: 4
Reviews: 80

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Fri Mar 24, 2017 8:47 pm
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VegasLights wrote a review...



Hello, AllisontheWriter. Steam1244 here for a review! I must say this was really good! Your rhyming was great, but one mistake was the word, comprehend. I have to agree with Sheyren on that part of the poem. I love how you put everything into place. When I say that I mean that your poem has a great form. I also love, how you put a couple of humorous lines in your poem,but yet, your poem has a meaning. I'm not sure if that was your intention or not, but still I saw a great deal of meaning. Well, that is all I have to say... so goodbye!




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129 Reviews


Points: 1820
Reviews: 129

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Thu Mar 23, 2017 7:47 pm
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Wriskypump wrote a review...



Always great to see a poem contemplate something other than a profuse bulldoze with emotional description!

This style in your poem reminds me a lot of Dr. Seuss. You have done a clear and concise job with this, while also managing to escape most of the cliches and inject some wry humor in there such as "Swim in your oasis," and "grave, grave sin," "kind sir" and "bearing your sheaves". I wonder if this is about what I think it's about, according to the teeny sardonic hints you dropped, and how the Title involving cool kids does not seem to fit the concepts you drag out into the light here. This hypothetical situational kind sir comes alone, and is portrayed from the ire in the narrator's eye, as the next worse thing to a salesmen. You've certainly pegged this stereotypical character haven't you? I suppose they can be so, hey. and sometimes wearying.

My favorite dish is, "Diversity is worth trying to comprehend." I'm not understanding how the kind sir is twisting the narrator's words here, but I don't suppose that's greatly essential to the subject matter overall. Everyone will supplement their own opinions of what is preferable and what is un- but I suggest that truth will not advance toward those who are not concerned to seek whether there be some things that be objective, even if there are some things that are subjective, like favorite colors or favorite things to do.




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176 Reviews


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Reviews: 176

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Wed Mar 22, 2017 1:49 am
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Sheyren wrote a review...



Hello there! Shey here for a review!

This was an interesting poem, and I enjoyed it. The back and forth between the two roles were quite interesting, so I'm here to just kinda ramble on about what I thought.

First is a quick rhyming thingy.

But sir, I hope you'll try to understand
Diversity is worth trying to comprehend
Please, sir, don't cross my line in the sand
From across this line, I still shake your hand


Your rhymes were mostly spot on, but one error here is noticeable. Comprehend doesn't rhyme with understand, sand, or hand. It sounds somewhat sinilar, but it isn't close enough to pass as a rhyme.

My next is a question. Is there any significance with the genders? You specify the cool boys and ma'am, and it is off that you would, unless there was a reason. My suggestion is, if there is a reason, explain it a bit more. If not, ditch the genders altogether, since they aren't needed and the resulting holes in the rhythm can be mended easily.

Lastly is my complaint on the formality. These are the cool kids, yet I feel like they aren't using very "cool kid" terms. My idea of cool kid terms are "bruh," "sah dude," and "'sup." I didn't get the cool kid feel from these polite stanzas the cool kids say.

Overall, nice poem. I really enjoyed it, and it has a unique idea which was unlike what I've seen before. Original concepts are always wonderful in poetry, because sometimes poems I read fall into the same old romance, broken heart archetype. Glad to see someone breaking down those common templates.

Keep up the great work!
-Shey





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