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Hello there, this is a courtesy visit to you
I wanna tell you what all the cool kids do
Because I wanna make a cool kid out of you
I'll tell you the things I believe to be true
.
Hello there, kind sir, can I make you see
What other kids do doesn't matter to me
There are so many things a person can be
Go swim in your oasis; I'll stay in this tree
.
But ma'am, you really should show some respect
The things I can show, you might not expect
On all that I stand for my actions reflect
A grave, grave sin it would be to reject
.
But sir, I hope you'll try to understand
Diversity is worth trying to comprehend
Please, sir, don't cross my line in the sand
From across this line, I still shake your hand
.
So you really won't try what the cool kids do
And try to enjoy all these things I hold true
I hope you get it, my favorite color's blue
So if you join us, it can still be yours too
.
But I like my rainbow of my own choice
I prefer to tune out the background noise
As I try to figure out my own equipoise
I'm so sorry to disappoint you, boys
.
But please ma'am, if you simply believe
All of this goodness you soon shall receive
That's all you need to do, then you can leave
To come back with joy, bearing your sheaves
.
Aha, I see what you're doing there
Think you can use my words anywhere
Twist 'em and turn 'em, think I care?
'Coz I know what works for me, so there!
.
But ma'am--
.
Have a nice day.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Hey it's Jordyn! If i could only describe this poem in one word it would be "preach!" I am going to expand on why I agree with you so much tho lol. Everyone nowadays wants to make everyone else into perfect clones. It makes us not individual and like plastic dolls. My favorite line was when the visitor said his favorite color was blue and it could be hers too. It proves the point that everyone tries to be alike and do their best to hide behind others. Whatever the latest trend is, everyone will have or do it within a week. Anyway, I loved this satoricle poem because it was so relatable. I have no tips on grammar because I stink at it myself lol. Good job and keep on writing! Bye
Hello, AllisontheWriter. Steam1244 here for a review! I must say this was really good! Your rhyming was great, but one mistake was the word, comprehend. I have to agree with Sheyren on that part of the poem. I love how you put everything into place. When I say that I mean that your poem has a great form. I also love, how you put a couple of humorous lines in your poem,but yet, your poem has a meaning. I'm not sure if that was your intention or not, but still I saw a great deal of meaning. Well, that is all I have to say... so goodbye!
Always great to see a poem contemplate something other than a profuse bulldoze with emotional description!
This style in your poem reminds me a lot of Dr. Seuss. You have done a clear and concise job with this, while also managing to escape most of the cliches and inject some wry humor in there such as "Swim in your oasis," and "grave, grave sin," "kind sir" and "bearing your sheaves". I wonder if this is about what I think it's about, according to the teeny sardonic hints you dropped, and how the Title involving cool kids does not seem to fit the concepts you drag out into the light here. This hypothetical situational kind sir comes alone, and is portrayed from the ire in the narrator's eye, as the next worse thing to a salesmen. You've certainly pegged this stereotypical character haven't you? I suppose they can be so, hey. and sometimes wearying.
My favorite dish is, "Diversity is worth trying to comprehend." I'm not understanding how the kind sir is twisting the narrator's words here, but I don't suppose that's greatly essential to the subject matter overall. Everyone will supplement their own opinions of what is preferable and what is un- but I suggest that truth will not advance toward those who are not concerned to seek whether there be some things that be objective, even if there are some things that are subjective, like favorite colors or favorite things to do.
Hello there! Shey here for a review!
This was an interesting poem, and I enjoyed it. The back and forth between the two roles were quite interesting, so I'm here to just kinda ramble on about what I thought.
First is a quick rhyming thingy.
Your rhymes were mostly spot on, but one error here is noticeable. Comprehend doesn't rhyme with understand, sand, or hand. It sounds somewhat sinilar, but it isn't close enough to pass as a rhyme.
My next is a question. Is there any significance with the genders? You specify the cool boys and ma'am, and it is off that you would, unless there was a reason. My suggestion is, if there is a reason, explain it a bit more. If not, ditch the genders altogether, since they aren't needed and the resulting holes in the rhythm can be mended easily.
Lastly is my complaint on the formality. These are the cool kids, yet I feel like they aren't using very "cool kid" terms. My idea of cool kid terms are "bruh," "sah dude," and "'sup." I didn't get the cool kid feel from these polite stanzas the cool kids say.
Overall, nice poem. I really enjoyed it, and it has a unique idea which was unlike what I've seen before. Original concepts are always wonderful in poetry, because sometimes poems I read fall into the same old romance, broken heart archetype. Glad to see someone breaking down those common templates.
Keep up the great work!
-Shey