Published October 9, 2011
Hey, okay. I know this isn't that great. It's just a short, snappy little poem I wrote on the spot to get back into writing again. This is my first attempt at a poem in well over a year! I'm not even sure it makes much sense, in my head it sort of does though. Go on, rip it to shreds. 
Empty on the inside.
Guilty, access denied.
Pathetic and insecure.
Attention seeking little whore.
Do I look happy?
Answer me please.
All these insults flying around me.
How do I know what to believe?
What should happiness mean to me?
-w0nd3rstruck
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140,613 Literary Works • 673,552 Reviews
Hey! Just thought I'd have a look whilst I have the time!
I agree with SlyNightOwl, about the image of the girl in school. But I didn't get the impression she was popular, but almost controversial and everyone talks about her in a bad light. Like she's not truly the person they think she is but because of the constant insults, and now she believes she's the person they say she is. If that makes any sense!
Really liked it! I think it would be great as a series, building on each other as you progress! But great start, well done!
Thank you all so much for your kind comments and critiques. I do really appreciate them as this is probably my first poem I have ever written without the help of some stupid "How To Write A Poem" sheet from my school English department. I'm thrilled that so many people have read this and I have taken all your comments on board to hopefully improve my further works.
Thank you all again
-w0nd3rstruck
Hello w0nd3rstruck,
I'm not sure if these two statements related to each other like you had probably hoped for. They both seem very different and either the first or last line is off topic. I also don't think you need the comma between Empty and on- it doesn't need it and if it's there then it actually doesn't make much sense at all.I'll admit, this was quite a confusing poem. I didn't really understand it the first time I read it because everything seemed to almost contradict itself with another statement and it didn't flow as well as it could have but after rereading it I actually quite enjoyed it. It was definitely thought provoking and I like reading this sort of poetry. You have also written it very well and the way you interpret it can completely change what it means and i think that's what I liked about it most. This was a very nice piece of work.
Make sure you capitalize the 'i' and also you need to shorten line three. It doesn't fall with the rest of the poem otherwise because it has a different number of syllables which mean it is too long and doesn't fit.
Apart from that this was pretty good but I think you need to use more description and try and get things to make more sense. I would like to see more of your work around. Oh and next time remember to give your your work a rating before you submit it. It is easier for people to tell if they should be reading it. Also people will be more willing to review your work because it shows that you have taken the time to rate it. Keep up the good work.
From DreamingForever
Regardless of it being as short as it is, it is very good!
It is very abstract, but well written. This reminds me of a girl who realizes she has nothing and has lost everything and everyone. Well done! Keep writing; this first piece is good. I will be looking for more of your works. :]
~artsy.
It is a little confusing, but a girl from school comes to mind when reading this. A popular girl who thinks she's got it all together but the little whispers she hears about herself haunt her when no ones around. Whatever you write in the future will be good because this doesn't sound half bad. You might need more of a poets opinion though; I've never written poetry unless it was for homework. xD