hey!
welcome to YWS. 
i loved your short story, you had a good flow working your way through the plot really well.
I picked out some errors here and there but it can be easily rectified with a bit of editing.
I trust it more than anyone else in this world, and I fear that someday I would surrender[/qoute]
I dont get what you mean here. what is that you trust? what is that you are going to surrender?My room was chilly. The door was locked and the light was faint. I was on the floor, in the corner.
you see these are brokrn lines which hamper the flow of the story a great deal. you can easily pick that out by reading the lines out loud.
maybe something like this would work the flow well.
"the room was chilly(maybe you can complete the sentence)(for eg) the room was chiily sending me shivers down my spine. the door was locked, the light faint, I was on the floor in the corner"As a man of conviction and faith, I do believe that consequences are a huge fraction of my future and now, this is the future
[italics] I did believe[/italics]When I say "my memories are haunting me" I am certain you would think of it as an expression, perhaps a dramatic one. If I were you, I would definitely think the same, but I am not and it kills me. You see, when I say it I mean it, and when I mean it, I mean it literally
I find the usage of certain words isnt really adding the much needed emotions to the story.
overall it was good read. maybe a tad bit short but i really dont mind the length of stories. the ending was very good. almost felt like I was reading a plot by R.L Stine.
hope the review helped. if you needed any more of help you can always PM me!
-manisha
Points: 398
Reviews: 189
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