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Through The Mind Of A 21 Year Old Indian Girl

by vluvswriting

I am 21 now, dealing with so much I feel my head is going to burst.

I don't have any boyfriend, and am neither planning on, which leaves me with getting tied in an arranged marriage. Personally asked, I do not want to marry. But knowing the society I live in, I probably will (have to). 

And no, I am not dealing with the marriage issues right now, it is just the thought of it- what will happen in coming few years of my life.

Marriages are among the most celebrated events everywhere in the world. I am sure it has worked for most, but I am not so sure about my own self. I do not want to be attracting anything negative but I cannot help but wonder- do I really want to marry? 

My individuality, my dreams, my freedom, my entire life, which I have so independently lived, making my own choices, getting whatever I want to, all of it seems at a risk. The persons closest to me have had shittiest married lives, on top of that me being raised with an independent mindset, I so do not see myself just giving up all I have lived to become.

Leaving my home, going to live in this new place, with new people, and trying so to prove myself worthy, trying hard to impress them, be a 'good' wife, a 'good' daughter-in-law, it just feels too much for me to handle, and I cry hysterically as I even type. (I put the word 'good' in quotations, because I am an excellent person and I am sure I will carry happiness wherever I go. But if the measure of my 'goodness' is if I can cook, or if I am obedient,or the like, that is where the problem lies.)

The questions haunt me so much- Will my views, opinions and likings be as respected as they are now? If today there is a dinner I do not feel like going, I can just say so and not go, after being a wife, can I still vouch for how I feel? Do I still have a right to say no? Do I still have a right to do what I want? Do I still have a right to live at all?

I cannot quite fathom my thoughts and feelings right now, they are all over the place. Pretty clothes, fancy honeymoon and sex are the only three supposedly good things I can think about marriage, and there is so much to lose in the process, I can live without the three, seriously. 

P.S. one doesn't even need to marry for those things.

Next thing I feel terrorised about is the Mother-In-Law and Daughter-In-Law quarrels. I understand my Mum-In-Law (I do not even have one and I am already prejudiced) would be insecure (most are) about her son's love and attention being shared, BUT HELLO? I AM LEAVING BEHIND AN ENTIRE LIFE AND I CANNOT EXPECT SUPPORT OF ONE PERSON?

Above-mentioned was the later bit that I am worried about. Besides the future-marriage dealings, at present I am burdened with the expectation from all around to be a good wife, a good daughter-in-law, to learn to cook, to keep my room cleaner, mind you, all of it not for myself but so I can be a better wife. The added societal pressure of looking good, losing weight, all of it combined just makes me feel so not good enough. 

Right now, if I feel like I need a me-time, I can just go out at a coffee shop or for shopping or something and do what I feel like, buy what I feel like. If freedom is the price I will pay for marriage, I am not so sure if I do want to get married.





Thank you for hearing me out. This is probably just a phase I am going through, and will likely have a pretty happy married life. My thoughts are with ladies across the world who have lost themselves, their identity and their dreams after marriage. Now should be yet another time I acknowledge how grateful I am for my independence and the education that I receive. 

Please share your thoughts about this piece of work. How are marriages like in your country? Do you know of anyone going through what I spoke about? Or do you have any advice for me? Drop in?

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34 Reviews

Points: 48
Reviews: 34

Thu Sep 27, 2018 3:09 pm
Chitz wrote a review...

hey! vluvs.

my friend and i were discussing about this same topic this day. though we both are not in the same stage of adulthood as you, but we still like to discuss it. she said to me that the more she reads about people's thoughts and experience about arranged marriage the more she feels worse. and it is true. this is not a good and dignifying process. marrying someone who is a total stranger and spending your entire life with the same person; giving up your dreams and passion and family and everything without expecting anything in return. its horrible.

i feel , even if its an arranged marriage , enough time should be spent first knowing each other , if you both can live together forever and stand by one another. there should be no hurry.

but but but, you are just 21 . whole life in front of you and certainly not for wasting in these rubbish thoughts. indulge in things you love, follow your passion . on the same road you will find someone compatible , who will understand you and will respect you and your freedom.
besides your parents are supportive, they will respect your decision. if they wont support love , make it a love arranged (winks). after all girls always rock!


User avatar
66 Reviews

Points: 94
Reviews: 66

Mon Sep 24, 2018 7:57 pm
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Storybraniac wrote a review...

In my opinion, I believe arranged marriage is a disgrace to all of humanity. I come from a super conservative family, who care more of religion than actual feelings. Being a guy, I don't think I can relate to most of what you have to experience. But just the fact that you are trusting a person, giving your whole life to him/her whom you've just met is very ignorant in a way. This is how most disputed relationships begin. You can't expect to feel an emotional connection with someone who you barely know.

Marriage is an important topic. Most people don't know of the issues people, especially women face concerning marriage in the third world countries. I think issues like this should be brought up more often.
Overall this was a great article. You brought out the most important issues by reiterating in a personal opinion kind of way, which gives it more meaning and importance.

I hope your family is supportive of whatever decision you will be making in the future. Marriage should be a choice, and not someone else's choice. It's not their life and so they shouldn't get a say in what your life should turn out like.
I'd love to read more of your thought and opinions in other works. Hope to see you around more.


vluvswriting says...

Thank you for the review. Yes my family is very supportive and will stand by my choices. :)

The natural world is a package deal; you don’t get to select which facts you like and which you don’t.
— Bill Nye