Calamity

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

Anyway let's get right to it,

They do not know what manner of thing she is. None of them do. She's not like anyone in the clan. In her rescuing, the death of five people occurred, and she is inattentive of it. When she entered, it was dark, the clan was at rest and those important enough to stir at this hour, were busy with duties. She was cradled in, wearing nothing more than an oversized tunic, modest enough to conceal her body. The girl was sightless and mute, she wore a dressing over her eyes muddied with sweat and blood and a brace over her jaw to keep her from speaking. She was still, laying in the arms of the man carrying her, and the four others following were drained as she. They stepped over the threshold and were instantly addressed by a man. "She alive?" The voices were muffled to the girl, indistinctive and strange. It was an odd dialect, spoken deep and powerful, not something the girl was familiar with. The arms the girl was cradled in shook, his chest raising deep as he took a breath. "Yes, but she needs aid." "You all do." He swiftly turned and began walking away, "Come!" he demanded. Everyone followed. The steps, no longer on gravel, squeaked when taken.

Hmm, well this is quite a bit there to have in just the one paragraph, I feel like this paragraph is perhaps trying to tell us a bit too any things here as things are happening, and that's not usually too great to see at the very beginning of a story cause it can get a bit boring with too much information flowing in all at once. On the other hand though, this is still pretty interesting here, the images being put forth are pretty powerful ones and the dialogue here indicates something very serious is going on here...and that certainly does manage to get your attention as a reader here. So all in all, not a bad start but it could perhaps benefit from having a bit less information in just the one paragraph.

She stumbled and flailed in the water, desperate to find something of similarity. Her eyes stung and itched, her hands raced to their aid, scratching and pulling at the bandage, pain stinging behind it. Her eyes burned when the dressing fell, the water washing away a sticky and crumbing tanline of dirt. Her eyes flew open and from the corners, bled, she started, violently, and began to weep. Visions of red slowly washed away under the water, and soon, her blurred eyes cleared.

Well...one hand it looks like that person who started out blind just ended up somehow getting the ability to see...but on the other hand some of those first lines sound a bit worrying as to what state of mind this person maybe in. The amount of pain going on right here is also a very interesting detail to consider here....there certainly appears to be quite a bit going on in this story here.

All in all, for the first two paragraphs of something this isn't too bad, there's only the slight issue of the start having a touch more information than it needs, otherwise, this is pretty intriguing and makes you want to read on more here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

When she entered, it was dark. The clan was at rest and those important enough to stir at this hour, were busy with duties.

She was still, laying in the arms of the man carrying her, and the four others following were asdrained as she was.

Her eyes stung and itched. Her hands raced to their aid, scratching and pulling at the bandage that had pain stinging behind it.

She stumbled and flailed in the water, desperate to find something of similarity.

I just don't quite understand this bit.



Those were the only things I could spot that needed correcting. Other than that, you're doing fine. This is a good start. As you continue to write this though, I'd say that you shouldn't add as many unnecessary commas to your sentences. It's grammatically incorrect and it makes it choppy.

Hope this review helps.