Fulfilled Passion

by victorialynn123

Published April 21, 2010

My love for you
can never be fully explained through words.
But try to believe when I say,
that I am in love with you.
For that my love grows darling,
more and more each day.
And the passion behind each movement,
grows the more closer we become.
And the spark of each fire within ourselves,
the light of our souls,
becomes one big explotion.
As two lips collide and lovingly unite.

Comments & reviews · 4
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victorialynn123 Comment
victorialynn123 commented Comment · Apr 21, 2010

:) thankyou lol

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AtticusGallows
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AtticusGallows commented Comment · Apr 21, 2010

Hey, very good. I like this poem :D

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Jagged
Review
Jagged wrote a review Review · Apr 21, 2010

It's a nice beginning, but it lacks punch.

can never be fully explained through words.

The 'through words' is unnecessary, and only lengthens your sentence, which makes less smooth to the read.

that I am in love with you.
For that my love grows darling,

Repetition of the word 'love' makes this sound clumsy. Also, I think the 'that' should not be there, and a comma before the 'darling' would not hurt.

And the passion behind each movement,
grows the more closer we become.
And the spark of each fire within ourselves,
the light of our souls,
becomes one big explotion.
As two lips collide and lovingly unite.

Every one of these sentences reads more like a fragment to me; using commas instead of periods might be better, and improve the flow. Those are also all rather common images, and none of them really stands out. Nitpick: 'two lips' is only one person, or two people having only half a mouth. Perhaps change the 'two' and replace with 'our'? Lastly, 'explotion' should be 'explosion'.



we are all mariah carey
— Kay (NovemberCrow)