Today I stood at the Gates of Hell.
Not in truth, but at an exhibit
In a garden
In a place where flowers are the grass.
How odd to stand at the Gates of Hell
In a place so angelic,
It just might as well
Be Heaven.
And as I stood at the Gates of Hell,
Horrible scenes played in my mind
Like some sort of
mental slideshow.
Pictures of screaming women
Flash in front of my eyes.
A frog-like man, hunched over,
Shielding his face from the world.
Three small children Huddle in a corner,
As insults and objects
Bounce off the walls.
Although beautiful,
Never again will I venture
Back to that paradise,
Where the Gates of Hell stand erect.
So tall, so close,
I can almost touch them…
~Inspired by the “Gates of Hell” statue at Stanford
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
This is really good.
I think you could of showed more contrast between the beautiful garden and the horrible images.
A great piece,
Alainna
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I think that you should consider the use of stanzas when you are writing, I think that this poem in several stanzas would work better than it does as it is.
I enjoyed the repetition of the "Gates of Hell", I think that if you decided to consider stanzas that breaking the lines into stanzas at these points would be the best choice.
The description was interesting and I like the new aspect that was brought to the Gates of Hell through the comparison to Heaven.
The description later on,
Is good again and creates a very graphic picture - just consider changing some of the line breaks. I don't quite understand you choice of line breaks at the moment, maybe you could explain it to me?
Overall it was a very nice and surreal piece.
I really like this poem. Its abstract but very easy to understand. I think you worked hard on this it very good.
I like it, no I LOVE IT!!!
Charlotte