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Hannah’s doll

by vampricone6783


*This is a more light-hearted story.A little break from the usual clowns and doom and gloom and tragedy that I usually right about.I have Gacha Club character designs on my wall.Enjoy! :)

Chapter One

It was New Year's Eve and little eight year old Hannah was so excited! She was going to eat snacks with her family and try to watch the ball drop!

As she was getting pizza,her father came up to her with a brown package.

"What is it?" She asked innocently.

"It's for you.Your Aunt wanted to give this to you for Christmas.She regretted not being there for the holidays and she mailed this to us.She said she hoped you would like it." Her father answered.

Hannah opened the package.Beaming up at her was a beautiful doll with warm brown skin,big brown eyes,full red lips,a white lace dress with a purple skirt,a pearl necklace,a beautiful white hat and bouquet of pink roses.

Hannah gasped in awe.It was the beautiful doll she had ever seen.

"Well,what do you think?" Her father asked.

"It's perfect." Hannah said.



Chapter Two

The next day,Hannah hid the doll in her backpack.Today she was going to show Angelique, her doll, to her whole school.Hannah knew her parents didn't want her to bring Angelique to school,but the doll was so beautiful,she just had to show it to her classmates.

Once she got to school and sat down,the teacher called on her to show and tell.

Hannah proudly showed everyone her new doll.

"Her name is Angelique and my Aunt got me this doll.It's the best gift I ever got! It's so much better than the rest of my Christmas gift-“ 

"Sit down,Hannah.Let someone else talk." The teacher said.

A very annoyed Hannah sat in her desk, “letting someone else talk”, as the teacher said.

……………………………………………………………………….

It was recess and Hannah was playing with her doll.Suddenly,a girl came up to her.

"Hi,My name is Marianne.I'm new here.do you want to play tag with me? You can be it." Marianne said.

"Hi,Marianne.My name is Hannah.I'd love to play tag with you!" She exclaimed,but soon,she was swarmed by girls who wanted to play with her doll.

"GIVE ME THE DOLL! I WANT IT! LET US PLAY WITH IT!" They screamed.

But suddenly,a group of girls walked up to her.They were the popular girls.There was Samara,Annabelle, and Charlotte.They never talked to her before.Now they wanted to talk to her.Hannah felt like her feet were being sucked into the Earth.

"If you let us play with your doll,then we'll be your friend." They said.

It was hard.Being friends with the popular girls,woohoo! But then she remembered Marianne and shook her head.They didn't want to be her friend,they just wanted her doll.

"Okay." They said.But they didn't leave.Instead,they snatched her doll from her hands.

"Hey,give it back!" Hannah and Marianne screamed.

But they threw her doll into the sewer.

"HA! NOW YOU HAVE NO DOLLY!" They laughed.

"Nooo...." Hannah said to herself.



Chapter Three

Well, one can imagine how she felt now that her doll was in the sewer.She told the teacher all about how Angelique fell into the sewer, never to be seen again.Those girls were in BIG trouble.

But Hannah was in bigger trouble.She lied to her parents and snuck her doll out of home.Now,Angelique was gone because of it.

When Hannah came home, her parents  got mad at her. They told her that she should listen to them and these things wouldn't happen.But Hannah wasn't listening. She was too busy thinking about her lost doll.

The next day, no one wanted to talk to her.Everyone except Marianne avoided her. She was the girl who lost her doll in the sewer.If anyone were seen with her,the girls would make fun of them forever and no one wanted to be picked on!



But Marianne didn't care.

Hannah and Marianne were friends ever since the incident.

Chapter Four

"Hey,want to go to my treehouse? We'll watch birds and play tag and look for ladybugs and worms and play pirate and princess and drink tea.Want to come?" Hannah asked Marianne one day.Marianne smiled.

"I'd love to." She said.

So after school they went to Hannah's treehouse and played all of those games and more.They had a splendid time.

They lay on the ground,looking at the sky.

"Hey Marianne,you're the best playdate I ever had." Hannah said.

"Thank you.Hey,that cloud looks like your doll,Angelique." Marianne pointed at the sky.The cloud did look like Angelique.

"It's really sad that I lost her."

Hannah started to cry.Marianne wiped her tears.

"Don't cry,Hannah.That doll was lovely,but it was just that.A doll.At least you didn't fall in the sewer.Come on,let's watch a movie." Marianne said.

But Hannah went cold.JUST A DOLL! That was the most important thing ever and now it was gone! How dare she say it was just a doll!

"ANGELIQUE WAS NOT JUST A DOLL,SHE WAS THE BEST THING EVER! HOW DARE YOU! I HATE YOU! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN! GET OUT!" Hannah screamed.

Marianne was stunned.

"I'm sorry-" She was saying.

"GET OUT! NOW!" Hannah screamed,interrupting her.

Marianne left.



Chapter Five

Of course,Hannah's parents demanded to know why Hannah didn't talk to Marianne anymore.

"Marianne said that my doll was "just a doll" it's not just a doll! It was super special!" Hannah yelled.

"Sweetheart,you're being a bit ridiculous.Marianne didn't mean to make you upset,why can't you forgive her?" Her parents asked.

"BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND AND NEITHER DO YOU!" Hannah screamed.

"Go to your room,Hannah." Her parents said.

Hannah angrily stormed into her room.

The next day at school was terrible.Nobody wanted to hang out with her,Marianne kept trying to apologize and Hannah kept rejecting, and on top of that, she still had no doll.

Now,Hannah was all alone.

Chapter Six

Hannah was shivering in the cold rain.She had forgotten her coat and now she was cold.The rain slid down on her arms.

Hannah saw Marianne in her warm raincoat and thought about her.

She didn't understand! That was MY doll! That..was...was..

But Hannah wasn't upset anymore.Suddenly,she realized that her doll,Angelique,was nice,but she wasn't and never would be Marianne.Oh,how they had so much fun together!

But how would Marianne ever forgive her for yelling at her?

Marianne sat next to her.

"Hannah,you look cold.I have an extra raincoat.Let me give it to you.I'm so sorry about what I said.I didn't mean it and-" Marianne was saying,but Hannah put her hand up to stop her.



Chapter Seven

"Listen,you don't need to apologize.You're right.It's just a doll.As sad as it is,she's not you.You're the greatest friend I've ever had.I'm sorry for being a rotten egg." Hannah said.

Marianne's eyes went wide.Hannah was apologizing?

"But Hannah,do you mean it?" She asked.

"Of course I mean it." Hannah said.She really did mean it.

"Best friends forever?" Marianne asked.

"Best friends forever." Hannah replied.

They really were best friends forever and later on,they would be more than friends.

But for now,they just skipped home together,laughing, and singing.



Chapter Eight

Of course,some time passed since the doll fiasco and Hannah has grown since then.She and Marianne were no longer eight years old.They were adults now.

Today was a special day.It was Marianne and Hannah's wedding.They would get married on a beautiful December morning.The snow would fall gently on them.

So after they had gotten married,they walked out holding hands,feeling wonderful,as the snow gently fell on them.

"What a wonderful and beautiful day this is-OW!" Hannah stepped on something hard.

She bent down and brushed off the snow to see what she stepped on.

Her eyes bulged.

"What is,Hannah?" Marianne asked.

The paint was a little faded,the hair was messed up,the clothes were dirty and it stank like a stinky sock.But Hannah was not mistaken.This was her doll,Angelique.

"What a peculiar find..." She said to herself.

Chapter Nine

Marianne knelt down and looked at what she found.

"Remember this? I used to be so attached to this doll. I thought it would never turn up.But here it is..Oh Marianne,can we fix it? It would be a shame to leave it out here,in the cold." Hannah said.

"Don't you understand? That doll has been in the sewer.It's dirty.We are not taking her with us.It's either me... or Angelique." Marianne said.She was serious.

Hannah had to make a decision.Now,Angelique was such a beautiful,lovely doll and she thought she was lost forever.But Marianne was always there for her.She had to choose.

She shook her head.

"Sorry.I just saw it and it..brought back memories.Of course I'll choose you over that doll." Hannah dropped the doll.It was dirty anyway.

Then,they went home together and Angelique was never to be seen again.



Chapter Ten

After their wedding,they had a wonderful and amazing party.Then,after her waltz with Marianne,Hannah decided to sit down and rest.

But then,an older woman came towards her.She knew her.It was her Aunt Melancholia,the woman who got her Angelique so many years ago.

"Do you still have the doll?" She asked.Hannah shook her head.

"Well,that's okay.It's not that important.Do you want me to tell you the story of how that doll came to be?" She asked.

"Sure." Hannah said.

And so Aunt Melancholia began.

Characters in Gacha Club:

Marianne (Adult) (At her wedding) (The image couldn’t fit on my wall):


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384 Reviews


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Mon Sep 05, 2022 3:58 am
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Horisun wrote a review...



Hello! I hope you're having a good day or night!
I just want to say, I loved this story. It was so sweet and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Hannah might very well be my favorite of your characters so far, and her learning to value her loved ones over personal possessions is probably one of your best arcs yet. To sum it up neatly, this narrative was cohesive, satisfying, and frankly, quite beautiful.
Honestly, I only have two small critiques, and they're more nitpicks, or personal preferences than anything.
I felt you could have done more to establish Hannahs attachment to the doll prior to her losing it. I think her bringing it to school is a great start, but I would have liked to see more of what this doll meant to Hannah. That way, it is all the more devastating for Hannah, and the readers ;)
I was kinda caught off guard to see Marianne issue such a harsh ultimatum at the end of the story, and it felt a little meaningless for Hannah to give up the doll now that she is grown. When she apologized to Marianne earlier for snapping at her, that felt a lot more satisfying because the readers knew she was conceding something very important to her. As an adult, it's harder to believe it would have mattered as much.
Honestly though, I thought this was an incredible read! Straight up, your writing has improved drastically in just a few short months, and it's actually super inspiring! I look forward to reading your future stories, whether they be your usual horror, a slice of life contemporary, such as this, or something else entirely!
Whatever the future holds, keep on writing, and have an amazing day! :D




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Sat Sep 03, 2022 12:40 am
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Lib wrote a review...



hi there vampricone!

i'm here to review this work of yours :)

chapter 1

this sounds interesting! i like the beginning, it sounds chill and not too crazy, and i enjoy reading stuff like that. hannah sounds cute right now and i absolutely love her obsession with the doll <3 it's super adorable! but i wonder why her aunt couldn't come... hm. the description of the doll is so nice! the pearls, the lace, no wonder hannah loves it so much.

chapter 2

Today she was going to show Angelique (her doll) to her whole school.

usually when we tend to write, we do out best not to add any brackets, because brackets usually mean that we're adding extra information. but when we tell a story, we want all the information! all the details! spill your heart out into the story, we want everything! you could do something like:

Today, she was going to show her doll, which she ended up naming Angelique, to her whole school.

or!

Today, she was going to show Angelique, her doll, to her whole school.

hmm... i wonder why her parents didn't want her bringing the doll to school, especially since it was show and tell. maybe it's expensive, and considering she's eight years old, lol, she could do something bad with it. i don't understand why an eight year old would be told not to bring a doll to school.

"Sit down,Hannah.Let someone else talk." The teacher said.

omg rude of her! that's a mean teacher :(

Later on,it was recess and Hannah was playing with her doll.Suddenly,a girl came up to her.

that was a sudden change in setting/action! if there could be something weaved between the paragraph before this and the change in setting, that would make it less sudden to the readers.

"Hi,My name is Marianne.I'm new here.do you want to play tag with me? You can be it." Marianne said.

aww, the good old days in elementary when everyone wanted to be friends with you... <3

"GIVE ME THE DOLL! I WANT IT! LET US PLAY WITH IT!" They screamed.

uh... never mind >.>

"If you let us play with your doll,then we'll be your friend." They said.

popular girls?? they're eight year old! just thinking about this makes me laugh, it's absolutely adorable haha!

They didn't want to be her friend,they just wanted her doll.

we love a wise girl <3

Instead,they snatched her doll from her hands.

THATS WHY HER PARENTS SAID NOT TO BRING THE DOLL TO SCHOOL AHHH

"HA! NOW YOU HAVE NO DOLLY!" They laughed.

"Nooo...." Hannah said to herself.

nooooooooooooo

chapter 3

They were in detention for a week!

eight year olds getting in detention for a week because they threw someone's doll in the sewer? ummm maybe it's a bit much...

But Marianne didn't care.

Hannah and Marianne became friends ever since the incident.

awwww a true friend <3

chapter 4

"Hey,want to go to my treehouse? We'll watch birds and play tag and look for ladybugs and worms and play pirate and princess and drink tea.Want to come?" Hannah asked Marianne one day.Marianne smiled.

can i join??? sob

So after school they went to Hannah's treehouse and watched birds and played tag and looked for ladybugs and worms and played pirate and princess and drank tea.They had a splendid time.

oof, the repetition feels kinda weird here considering it was mentioned just a few lines ago! but it does sound like such a splendid time, i love it.

"ANGELIQUE WAS NOT JUST A DOLL,SHE WAS THE BEST THING EVER! HOW DARE YOU! I HATE YOU! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN! GET OUT!" Hannah screamed.

whoa that was very sudden -
i feel so bad for marianne noooo D: she had a point though!! at least hannah herself didn't fall into the sewer? even worse, get thrown into one!

chapter 5

"BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND AND NEITHER DO YOU!" Hannah screamed.

...someone's having a tantrum...

"Go to your room,Hannah." her parents said.

that is not the way to solve a problem, parents. also, interesting how her parents both said this at the same time! it sounds like her parents are one person, or as if they're just syncing lol.

aw man, hannah's alone now. but, sucks for her, it's her fault, she was told not to bring the doll to school, but she did, and she was the one who got mad at marianne so... maybe i don't feel that bad for her <.<

chapter 6

awww hannah realizes her mistake and thinks marianne will hate her but ahhh marianne is lending her her extra raincoat... :3 that's so sweet i can't take it anymore.

chapter 7

"Listen,you don't need to apologize.You're right.It's just a doll.As sad as it is,she's not you.You're the greatest friend I've ever had.I'm sorry for being a rotten egg." Hannah said.

and she admitted it! yay! finally!!

"Best friends forever?" Marianne asked.

"Best friends forever." Hannah replied.

They really were best friends forever and later on,they would be more than friends.

But for now,they just skipped home together,laughing and singing.

why does this give me disney movie vibes i love it so much it's so wholesome i'm going to cry ahh -

chapter 8

Today was a special day.It was Marianne and Hannah's wedding.They would get married on a beautiful December morning.The snow would fall gently on them.

omgomg they were literally just eight years old and now they're getting married!!! oh how time flies. this is such a cute description though, and if i could like coax some more out of you i would because i know you have it in you, vamp! i am craving more description, what about the december morning? what about their dresses? what about the mood? what about the vibe? what about the snow? what about eVEryTHinG?

"What a wonderful and beautiful day this is-OW!" Hannah stepped on something hard.

she said ow as if she was bare feet and it dug right into her foot hahaha

The paint was a little faded,the hair was messed up,the clothes were dirty and it stank like a stinky sock.But Hannah was not mistaken.This was her doll,Angelique.

NO WAY -

chapter 9

"Don't you understand? That doll has been in the sewer.It's dirty.We are not taking her with us.It's either me... or Angelique." Marianne said.She was serious.

lol what - she's actually serious? it's just a doll though, it was the reason they became friends again! why not :(

chapter 10

It was her Aunt Melancholia,the woman who got her Angelique so many years ago.

ayyyy, the woman the myth the legend!! long time no see!

And so Aunt Melancholia began.

omg please what about it? how did she find the doll? was it the same as hannah and marianne's story? maybe the doll is a magical thing that goes and helps people find true love. who knows?

--

oh my goodness, what a story! i feel like i just looked into someone's life, to be honest. this doll was straight up the most iconic memory in hannah and marianne's life, it has to be.

this was such a wonderful story though, so lighthearted and such a gentle read, i super enjoyed this. the pureness of the children in the beginning, and the doll, and the popular girls hahaha, it was all so cute, and i absolutely enjoyed it.

i could imagine things pretty well in my mind, but if i could get more in depth descriptions and details about the surroundings, more of what's around them, maybe a little more insight on little details, that would be amazing. think of it as if you're shooting a movie and just describe everything you see in that movie.

all in all, i think this was a fabulous story and i can't wait to see more from you! thanks so much for sharing! <3

~lib






Thank you for your review. ^v^ I%u2019ll edit it a bit.




"Do not try to be pretty. You weren't meant to be pretty; you were meant to burn down the earth and graffiti the sky. Don't let anyone ever simplify you to just 'pretty'"
— Suzanne Rivard