Hi hi hi vampricone! I saw this f l o a t i n g around the green room and thought, TIME TO REVIEW so here I am.
First off, I like the image at the end, (I assume it's made with gacha and self-made?,) lets you know what Draven looks like. At least, I think it's Draven.
The time when kids knew who was with who and which ones were the loners.
So relatable. The strat to avoid this is NOT GO TO THE PROM AT ALL LMAO. (Homecoming has always been a nightmare for me fr fr)
Also, I like the intro. We already know Draven. He like a girl name Celestria. The wordplay on the names make it almost seem like an angel/demon forbidden romance thing that I imagined immediately when I heard it, but . . . I guess we'll have to see.
Draven thought that surely, Celestria would have someone. Who could resist her long, blood red hair and her eagerness to do, well, anything?
Whoops. Now, it's pretty much assumed Celestria is a demon as well RIP.
Actually, this is kind of important. You've mentioned names, but you haven't mentioned what exactly they are. Without the image at the end, most people would assume that Draven and Celestria are just humans with strange names . . . unless they are . . .
The person was a boy with…red eyes? How was that possible? He was so pale, too, like a…like a vampire. But vampires didn’t even exist.
GET AWAY from Draven's lil crush you VAMPIRE. Also, why is Draven bamboozled by the kid's red eyes? Is the eye color not normal? I would feel like there are other characteristics of vampires that are a little more unique, I guess.
Celestria and the boy were waltzing with each other straight out of the school and into the open. Draven saw. He was following them.
Ummm stalker behavior question mark? A little conflicted over how Draven is acting right now. It doesn't seem like the dude did anything wrong, so that's no reason to follow them around.
A red car, red like Celestria’s hair, the boy’s eyes, and the blood pooling around the street, crushed and crumpled her into a sad mass of skin and clothes.
. . . . . . .
Well that went from 0 to 100 real quick huh. Honestly was . . . not exactly expecting a death? You could have done a little more dark foreshadowing so the reader doesn't get too surprised, because if I just picked this up for a casual read, I may have dropped it after seeing Celestria die.
I would suggest, though, let Draven kind of . . . not understand what's happening? I think he realized what happened too soon. Let him kind of stand still in shock, like
Huh? What happened? Why . . . why is she on the street? Draven laughed hesitantly. This is a joke, right? Right?
Draven would tell her. He would step up.
He would love her.
I see. So now I've realized this is a backstory, which makes a little more sense as to why everything happened so quickly.
Also, I like how the reader can expect a revenge arc from Draven, but I would like some info on what lil vampire boi did all that for? What were vampy's motives? What's his name? At some point, you do need some kind of info dump.
Anyways, thanks for giving me the opportunit to review this!
eggo isn't actually eggs