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Young Writers Society



Corny....It's funny! I wrote it like three years ago and...

by valeriejcz


Corny....It's funny! I wrote it like three years ago and like, wow, this is deep.

Rainbow of Life

The first stage of life is the yellow stage,
Where your feelings and thoughts are created by the
adults you love.
These years can be happy or sad,
It’s up to your protectors.

The second stage of life is the orange stage.
When a child breaks away and rebels.
They think more independently,
And like to test their limits.

After orange comes red.
The ability to take care of yourself and be independent in
a wiser way.
To hangout or get a job
To go to collage or to not,
The red stage is when you make choices.

The next stage is made of purple.
Calming down, breathing in every scent.
Seeing every sight, hearing every sound.
Enjoying every moment.

The last stage of life is a calm blue,
Where you are back like a child with only your memories
Now you bide your time, until
To yellow you descend, back to a world of gold.


Its soooo corny!!!!


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Tue Nov 06, 2007 12:57 am
Yagaron says...



*clap clap clap clap* very nice




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Sat Nov 03, 2007 2:10 am
blackstorm says...



I actually liked it. And it's college not collage.

Also, don't put your work down before anyone even reads your material. Be proud of it. (Obi-wan has spoken!)




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Tue Oct 30, 2007 11:12 pm
Evangelina says...



Reads a bit like a self-help book. Boring and unoriginal.




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Tue Oct 30, 2007 5:43 pm
Someguy says...



Really corny.

I like the last one though




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Tue Oct 30, 2007 10:42 am
GingerLizzy says...



Sooo corny!

I dont have that many comments about this actually, but in a way, I don't fel that it is very original.

Hmmm....




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Thu Nov 16, 2006 9:19 pm
valeriejcz says...



well, I posted it Becouse I thought it was funny. If you had read all of it in the begining you would know I wasn't serious




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Thu Nov 16, 2006 9:16 pm
Via says...



If you knew before hand it wasn't very good and you knew why, then why did you post it?

Please only post work that you are serious about on here. Otherwise, we have wasted our time critting it.

Thanks.
Meg




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Thu Nov 16, 2006 8:11 pm
valeriejcz says...



I don't think its deep either. What I said was when I wrote it (around three years ago) I thought it was deep




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Thu Nov 16, 2006 2:32 pm
lexy wrote a review...



i agree with the above.

To be honest it was the first lines of each stanza that made it clumsy and even boring....
sorry, i don't think its "deep" or anything...... but I'm glad to see you got the colours in the right order..... :D




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Wed Nov 15, 2006 8:30 pm
Via wrote a review...



It is corny. Corny and true. But it does nothing for the reader. There is no description, it reads like a paper on the stages of life, not a poem. This topic has been done so many times that in order for it to create a smile, it have to be really good and strike something in the reader that none of the others have.

Oh, and collage=college =]




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Wed Nov 15, 2006 8:27 pm
Lycanstyle01 says...



Corny indeed. You could find so many other topics of such. Try a different topic, but retain your writing style.





I was weeping as much for him as her; we do sometimes pity creatures that have none of the feeling either for themselves or others.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights