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Young Writers Society



Me

by unsterblichkeit36


Look at me.
Look.

Look at my eyes.
Their orange glow-
And dark green lining;
A shelter.

Look at my ribs.
Their tight structure-
And olive toned seal;
A coat.

Look at me.
Look.

Look at my stares.
Their crying voices-
And piercing weeps;
A beckoning.

Look at my bones.
Their weakened strength-
And rippled skin;
A hostage.

Did you look at me?
Me?


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Points: 300
Reviews: 0

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Sat Jun 06, 2009 2:54 pm



Wow! This poem is really moving and you should be really proud!!

You've got definite talent and should keep at it :)




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456 Reviews


Points: 368
Reviews: 456

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Fri Jun 05, 2009 9:46 pm
Rascalover wrote a review...



Wow, i love how demanding and percise this is. You have done a wonderful job with imagery and showing. i really have nothing bad to say about this poem, and i know to critque something there has to be something to fix, but honestly i don't see anything I would personally change about this poem. I do, though, think it could have had a stronger ending.

It's so strong and demanding in the beginning and stays the same constitancy through our the whole poem except for the end. It loses it's strong willed-ness and becoems almost.... vulnerable. I would of just ended it with another demand of look at me, but this is your poem not mine.


Awesome job

-Tiffany




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321 Reviews


Points: 12611
Reviews: 321

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Fri Jun 05, 2009 9:43 pm
Flower~Child says...



I think you are talking about being held captive, but I'm not sure. I think it is good just not really clear.





Maybe I should say something quote-worthy, like, I dunno... "You can only be happy if you decide to be happy?"
— Necromancer14