Published June 5, 2009
Look at me.
Look.
Look at my eyes.
Their orange glow-
And dark green lining;
A shelter.
Look at my ribs.
Their tight structure-
And olive toned seal;
A coat.
Look at me.
Look.
Look at my stares.
Their crying voices-
And piercing weeps;
A beckoning.
Look at my bones.
Their weakened strength-
And rippled skin;
A hostage.
Did you look at me?
Me?
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140,790 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Wow! This poem is really moving and you should be really proud!!
You've got definite talent and should keep at it
Wow, i love how demanding and percise this is. You have done a wonderful job with imagery and showing. i really have nothing bad to say about this poem, and i know to critque something there has to be something to fix, but honestly i don't see anything I would personally change about this poem. I do, though, think it could have had a stronger ending.
It's so strong and demanding in the beginning and stays the same constitancy through our the whole poem except for the end. It loses it's strong willed-ness and becoems almost.... vulnerable. I would of just ended it with another demand of look at me, but this is your poem not mine.
Awesome job
-Tiffany
I think you are talking about being held captive, but I'm not sure. I think it is good just not really clear.