Published September 1, 2011
I am a tree.
I am a source of life.
I stretch my arms far enough to provide shade for the tired.
I use by body and energy from the sun to give birth to my children
So that I may provide food for the hungry.
I am a pheonix.
But instead of fire, I use the seasons
For my transformation and rebirth
As I let my clothes shed off during the harsh winter
And come back to life through the pouring water of Spring
And the growing period of Summer
I am fearful
Of those who walk the earth
And try to destroy my family within this forest
I am dying
By the hands and sweat of the "others"
The ones who have killed my brothers and sisters
And have not given back life to me as I have for them
I am a tree.
Help me for I am being murdered
By the harsh blows of mankind!
The harsh blows of the axe running through my trunk
A trunk that was once a home to my fellow neighboring creatures within the forest
Help.
I am dying.
I am losing my might to live.
I warn my brothers and sisters who are still breathing
For this forest is no longer home
But the destruction of real life.
I am a tree.
I am dead.
There you have it. This is an original poem by yours truly. Please leave your constructive criticism below and tell me your thoughts. Anything I should improve on? Thankyou.
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This is great. I like the metaphoric language, like when you said that you are a phoenix, although you spelled phoenix wrong I think. It's a good comparison, symbolizing revirth and renewal and spring. Also, I thought that the title was pretty good. I'm not much of a nit-picker type of reviewer, so if you want all the spelling errors in stuff, you won't find them here. But I can say that this is a good poem and you have talent. Keep up the writing and good luck.
Great poem! I like how you use repetition to empathize that the tree is dying. I think the ending was a little short, but very emotional! Keep up with the poetry. Especially with the emotions and imagery.
Good job,
Deathcurrent
Hi there! I'm Luxe and I'm gonna review this for you. So, I just wanted to start of and tell you that I'm not much of a poet. So my critique won't be much on the structure and what not. But anyway.
I really loved your poem! I thought that you really- and this is going to sound cliche- became the tree. You went through the life of the tree really well, except I think you should include something about the 'birth' of the tree. Like when it's a sapling. Also, I think you should add more about living. It's very death-heavy and could use some more in the middle. Again, this is mostly just content stuff. I'm not very good at writing poetry. All in all, I'd say you have a pretty good poem here. I like it lots! Keep writing.
Cheers,
Luxe