z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Curers Quest chapters 1 2 3 4 5

by ty7lucky


                     The Elements of Light and Dark

Book 1:

Curers Quest

by

Tyler Rasmuson

Chapter One Apprenticeship

Jacob sat by the window staring into the outside world.

His Brown shaggy hair lit by the moon. The stars shone over Lord Verivians land. Jacob's thoughts went to his apprenticeship with the local curer. The door to the small hut creaked open as his older brother walked into the small cottage. He carried a bundle of bread that he'd gotten in town for breakfast the next day. He looked tired from working out in the fields.

He set down the bundle. He grabbed a tan mug with speckles of brown and a chip on the rim filled it with water then walked over. "Are you thinking about the curer? Because I heard that he's wrong in the head?" he inquired after taking a sip.

"Are you sure?" Jacob asked sounding worried.

"Yeah, well you better get to bed." He said sounding exhausted.

Jacob walked over to his damp mat on the floor. His mother was asleep on the floor beside him. His mother was sick and needed a lot of sleep, but they didn’t have enough money to hire the curer. That’s why he had agreed to be the curer’s apprentice. He thought of his father who had died of a terrible illness the year before.

He put out the candle and lay worrying that he would mess up tomorrow. Finally exhaustion took over and he dozed off.

In his dream his father was telling him how disappointed he was of him. Jacob woke sweating, with tears in his eyes. It's ok it's just a dream he thought. He lay back down his shirt clinging to him. He fell back to sleep.

The next morning his mother woke him up, she looked pale as the moon. Sitting on their small table was a plate of bread by a cup of milk. He ate the food and drink. The bread was dry so he dipped it in his milk; it absorbed the milk like a sponge. He hugged his mom as he exited the house she waved him goodbye.

He was off, walking to the curer's home. The small village was already awake and busy. An old woman wearing a veil and a long dress of a deep purple that had circles like peacock feathers, told him to come to her. He looked up at the sky to see where the sun was. He figured he'd have enough time to see what she wanted. He walked over.

"I can tell you your future.” she exclaimed in a cackling voice.

"But I don't have any money.” he said to the gypsy.

"Oh but there is no charge.” She pulled out a cup with small bones in it. "Pour them out."

She handed him the cup. He slowly poured the bones out. They fell with a weird tingling sound. The bones formed a stick type thing.

She gasped. “They tell me you'll have to have courage to do something soon you will go on a journey to gain the elements."

He left the table thinking it was a whole bunch of baloney. The rest of the journey was altogether uneventful. There were children playing in the street. Cats hissed as he passed, until he had gotten to the edge of town. The tall dark home of the curer was in sight.

He walked through the dead grass to get to his house the grass crunching as Jacob walked by a dead tree. He opened the old door and peered inside books and papers cluttered the building.

"Hello?" He asked the empty room. No one answered. He walked in, the heavy door shutting behind him. He walked over to the other side of the room. There was a door with candle light coming from under the crack. He opened the door.

When he walked in the old man was sitting writing something his gray hair facing Jacob. Jacob couldn't see so he wondered what the parchment said. The old man exclaimed when he noticed the boy. One eye was opened bigger than the other Wrinkles in his forehead overlapped each other like clothe was loosely glued to his forehead in different places. Little tufts of hair poked up thinly on his scalp.

"My name is Wilkinson and you must be the apprentice I was promised." Mr. Wilkinson said.

He motioned for him to come closer. Jacob walked over by the man and asked what he should do.

The curer told him that he was making something to help people but he was too old to get the ingredients for it.

"I need you to get four things. Water from the lake of life, lava from the Avion volcano, a branch from the tree of time, and wind from a wind spirit.” The man said, "Take a sword as well."

The man handed him a long sword. "Good luck."











Chapter Two

Journey’s beginning

Jacob had just left the house. Was Mr. Wilkinson serious did he want him of all people to do this? If he was serious it's not like he gave him a map, how was he going to find these places. He didn't even know how to use a sword. He wasn't serious Jacob told himself. He was going to start walking and the curer would come out and tell him that he was joking.

So Jacob started walking slowly like he might trigger a trap any second. He looked back every couple of seconds to see if the door would swing open. Jacob thought he was going to get a bruise from the sword hitting against his calf so many times. Then when the house looked like a very realistic toy the door swung open.

"Good luck.” the curer shouted and then the door shut again.

Jacob eyes wide did a little half wave in reply, then a few seconds later he murmured, "He's serious." He resumed walking the words good luck repeating in his mind. I can’t do this. But I need to. For Mother. Soon the village and the curer had been added to the blue all around.

He walked through flowers of every color, the aroma sweet to his nose. It seemed as if he'd be stuck walking through the miles and miles of flowers. A faint wind came in chilling him and making him wish he had brought a jacket. He walked more and his legs began to burn.

The wind steadily grew bringing in dark storm clouds. Like the wind the rain steadily got stronger. "At least the flowers are enjoying this.” he muttered to himself. He wanted to give up and lay in the field, but he couldn't he needed to find shelter from the elements. He looked for something that might give shelter.

Then he spotted it the trees and a lot of them. He ran the sword swinging faster, but that was the least of his worries. He finally reached them, then his heart plummeted they we're dead. Some appeared to be scorched on top. They would at least give more shelter than the field he found a spot of dead grass. He lay down, what had he been thinking why didn't he just go home?

The rain came down a little less because of the trees, but it still got to him. His legs were numb from walking. He was so tired. He shut his eyes and he drifted away. He heard Mr. Wilkinson voice, "Water from the lake of life..." the image of a lake as clear as a crystal with many treasures at the bottom. "Lava from the Avion volcano" A giant volcano taller than 20 mountains. "A branch from the tree of time" a giant tree entered his mind, light coming from cracks. "And wind from a wind spirit." A girl appeared her body see through and her hair flowing behind her as if blown by wind.

He woke up to dead grass it felt prickly like needles coming up from the ground. He sat up, yawned and lay back down. I can sleep a little while longer, He thought. Then a roar escaped his stomach. I need food. He stood up this time and pulled out the long shiny sword. He looked around and couldn’t see a living thing in sight.

Then he saw it a flicker of movement, a golden brown flash protruding out of a tree. Perfect. He slowly walked forward sneaking up on the squirrel. He swung the heavy sword at the rodent. He missed the squirrel due to the awkward weight of the sword. The sword protruded from the tree.

Jacob tried pulling out the sword. He put his foot on the uneven bark and yanked it out. The tree shook from the force. The squirrel scurried out of the hole. It ran on the ground by him. He swung at it madly (not knowing how to wield a sword). The squirrel ran out of sight.

He sat down against the tree the smell of dried sap. He walked out of the dead forest. He couldn’t believe how amazingly different the two were. Small birds and butterflies flew around. More small animals ran around taunting him. He had given up on that after the squirrel.

A hummingbird buzzed around him. He swatted at it with his hands and said annoyed, “Go away!”

But the stupid bird didn’t leave. He tried yelling at it to scare it away. He figured he better find a town soon or he was sure to starve. He set off on his search for a town.

He veered away from the dead forest, walking south east. He walked for about three hours with not much changing in the scenery. Every once in awhile he would take a break.

The brilliant green and blue humming bird had disappeared for a little while. He was about to give up and set up camp for the night when he saw men riding horses on what looked to be a road. He ran full speed towards the road.

When He finally got to the rough gravel road he looked up and whispered, “Thank you.”

Not far off was a city lit up in lights. It was big and looked important. He walked down the road.













Chapter 3

New acquaintances

He had made it to the village the night before. He laid in a pile of hay the ends poking his back like needles.

He entered the main part of town. He reached in his pocket and pulled out 5 warm copper coins. It wasn’t much but it was still worth enough for a couple of days.

He figured he also better get a map. He saw a venders shack with fruit and bread. He walked over (trying to look grown up).

When he got there the man in the shack laughed a big full laugh.

Jacob felt his face redden. In a soft voice he said “Could I have an apple?”

The man laughed once more and then pulled out an apple. He held it in his big sausage fingers, looking at it as if contemplating something. Then said in a deep cheerful voice (and a slight snicker), “You can have it for free.”

Jacob thanked him and walked away. He found an ally and plopped down. The smell of trash and other things filled the air, causing him to gag.

Then out of nowhere a thin boy came and stole his apple. The boy had blonde hair and a crooked nose. He was taller than Jacob. Dirt covered his face and hands.

He wore a shirt that looked too tight.

Before Jacob knew it the boy was running down the street. He got up and ran after him yelling “That’s my apple, give it back!”

The boy ran into another alley and when Jacob saw him he smiled, the boy was trapped.

The boy turned around searching for an escape route, and then gave up. Jacob closed in holding his hand out silently asking for the apple. Th

The boy reluctantly submitted to defeat, his face glum. He set the apple in Jacob’s hand.

Then to the boys pleasant surprise Jacob split the apple in half and handed him half.

Then Jacob asked “What’s your name?”

The boy looked up from the apple he was eating and said, “Evin”. Bits of apple flew from his mouth as he spoke. “What’s yours?”

“Jacob.” He replied. “Do you know where I could get a map? I’ve never been here before.”

Evin swallowed the last of his half, “Yeah.”

Jacob took the last bite of his. He followed Evin out of the ally. He walked to a large house with a sign that said Maps.

Jacob knocked on the door while Evin waited on the steps. The door opened to a plump short man with wispy hair.

“Hello what can I get for you today” he said in a high voice.

“I need a map of the country.” Jacob replied

The man glared at Evin as he turned around. Jacob looked back his eyes questioning, Evin in reply just grinned a toothy smile like it was a secret he wasn’t about to give up.

Jacob followed him into a large room with maps on the walls and on desks. There were maps of cities he hadn’t even heard of and far off lands he had only heard about in stories.

The Maps were of all sizes and were all done neatly in black ink.

Then Jacob saw a map with the lake, tree, and volcano. Jacob pointed and said “That’s the map I need!”

The man jumped and if Jacob hadn’t known better he would have said he almost looked scared. In a quavering voice he coughed out,

“W-why do you need that map?”

“Those are the places I’m going to.” He pointed to the three landmarks.

The man forced a smile. “You must be mistaken, why would a child be going there?”

“I need that map whether you like it or not.” Jacob said stubbornly.

“Okay that will be 3 coppers.” The man said.

“Three coppers! That’s outrageous!” Jacob yelled in protest.

The short man folded his arms stuck up his nose and said “Take it or leave it.”

Jacob sighed and reached in his pocket pulling out 5 coppers. He put two back in his pocket and handed the rest to the plump midget.

The man rolled up the map and handed it to Jacob, glaring suspiciously. Jacob snatched it out of his hands and walked out of the building.

“I got it!” He said as he walked by Evin.

Evin turned and walked beside him “So why do you need a map anyways?”

Jacob told him what had happened so far on his journey.

“Awesome! Do you need any help? Because I’m not doing much here, Just pickpocketing” Evin said.

“Sure!” replied Jacob excitedly.









Chapter 4

Evin’s Secret

“So we’re right here.” Evin told Jacob pointing to a large city with the word Cerberon written neatly over it.

“And that’s my village!” Jacob pointed to a small village that was labeled Dilwood, the map rough to his skin. It took me two days to get from there to here. “So if the maps to scale then we can see how far apart they are and see how long it will take us to get to the Lake of Life! Do you have some string?”

“No, but I know where to get some.” Evin said. Then he got up and said, “Wait there.” He ran off down the street.

About twenty minutes later he was back with a short string. He tossed it into Jacob’s lap.

Jacob grabbed it while Evin kneeled down besides the map. Jacob put down the string and measured the distance between the two towns. Evin pulled a small knife from a sheath at his waist and cut the string.

Then He placed the string down from Cerberon in the direction of the lake. It took roughly 4 times to get there going in a straight line ( which would be practically impossible).

“It’ll take about eight to twelve days to get there with hardly any stops. But we should probably stop somewhere to restock food on the way there.” Jacob said.

Evin pointed to a town labeled Airenburg. “We could restock there.”

Jacob nodded. “But where are we going to get the money? We only have two coppers.”

“Actually we have 11” Evin said smugly as he held up a small pouch of coins.

“Don’t tell me you stole that!” Jacob retorted.

“I only steal food when I can’t find enough and sometimes when I see something I need more. This I saved up, I find them lying around occasionally!” Evin said with a chuckle.

“Good, I don’t want to travel with a full out thief.” Jacob hesitantly said.

“Oh yeah, do you know anyone who could teach me to use a sword?” Jacob implied.

“I don’t know of any here, but I heard some people talking about someone in Eldiff that was good with a sword.” He replied with a shrug.

“How do you know so much about where to go to get things?” Jacob wondered.

“I listen in on conversations.” Evin smiled. “We should get going before it gets dark.”

Jacob rolled up the map and tied the rest of the string around it. “Yeah.”

“I need to get something.” Evin started walking away but when Jacob didn’t follow he waved for him to come.

Jacob blinked out of his trance like state, “Sorry I was thinking about how crazy this all is.” He walked over to Evin.

They walked down winding corridors with dull gray paving stones. They twisted and turned and occasionally had to climb over things. They almost ran into a black dog with long shaggy hair. When Evin saw it he said, “Shadow how ya doin boy!”

The dog wagged its long tail and barked happily. Evin pet him and they started walking again.

Finally they got to a dead end. Evin exclaimed, “Home sweet home.” motioning to a small mat with a small blanket with a big hole in it. And Jacob had thought he was poor.

He leaned over it and pulled out a small golden sphere. He opened it and in it was a drawing of a beautiful lady.

“ Who is that?”, Jacob inquired.

“That’s my mom. Before I was on the streets I used to live in a different city one day she disappeared, so I left and found Cerberon and I’ve stayed here ever since.” Tears came down Evin’s face smearing the dirt. He shut the locket and put it in his pocket.

“I’m sorry.” Jacob said softly.

“Sorry we should get going.” Evin said as he wiped the tears from his face.

























Chapter Five

Caution Ogre Crossing

The two boys set off from Cerberon, (and after much argument) they decided to take a detour adding at least two more days to the trip and travel to Eldiff so Jacob could learn swordsmanship.

They trudged along the dirt path leading to Eldiff. Before they left they purchased fruit and vegetables at the market.

They were both tired of hopelessly failing at sparking a conversation, so they walked in silence.

An hour passed then two with no big events.

Jacob stared at his feet, he kicked small pebbles along. When are we going to get their.Whack. Jacob stumbled backwards dazed by the unexpected obstacle.

He rubbed his head with dirt covered hands. He looked up at the thing he ran into. It was a sign, a big yellow diamond shape sign! It said Ogre Crossing in thick letters and for emphasis it showed an ugly misshapen snot green face with two red bloodshot eyes, and a few rotting yellow teeth.

Through giggles evin coughed out, “Are you okay?”

Jacob just sighed and rolled his leaf green eyes.

Evin finally stopped laughing and asked, “What does the sign say. Then he made a series of noises, “oooo..g..g.grrr.rree.eeee…….C..rrrrroooosssinga.. It’s too bad I can barely read.” he said with a shrug.

“ It says Ogre Crossing.” Jacob retorted.

“I wonder what ogres are like.”

“I think they’d be giant, ugly, Terrible things. They’d probably eat me for dinner and then you for dessert.” Evin said with a grin.

“No way you don’t have any meat on your bones so I’d be dinner.” Jacob said while returning the smile, “It would be so cool meeting an ogre!”

“Yeah.” Evin agreed.”I mean did you see the face on that sign, they must be ugly. What’s wrong Jacob.”

Jacob stared behind Evin his eyes wide open in utter shock. He mouthed look behind you.

“What?”, Evin questioned as he slowly rotated, Then a high pitched scream emanated from his gaping mouth.

Standing behind him was the biggest creature he had ever seen, it had dark green skin with brown clothes overtop it. The monster had big red eyes and teeth like a saber tooth tigers, It’s ears were pointed at the end.

“RRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN” Evin shouted in fear.

They took off down the trail running faster than a cheetah. Jacob thought If we don’t outrun him maybe he’ll get dust in his eyes and he won’t find us!

The troll bellowed as he ran after them, “Come back lunch, I just want to eat you!!”

Each step the troll took shook the ground. Soon the steps slowed and they heard a glum voice bellow out, “I hate fast food!”

The two boys slowed to a walk looking back to see if he was still following them. They kept walking forward until Jacob noticed something wasn’t right.

“Does the ground seem soft to you?” he asked.

“It kind of do---ACHOO!” The ground broke from under their feet sending them plummeting into darkness. They hit the ground with a hard thump.

“We’re in some kind of trap!”, Jacob realized with fear.

“Oh no. I can boost you up out of it.” Evin said in a desperate voice. Evin cupped his hands and Jacob put his foot in using it as a step stool. Jacob reached as high as he could but the ledge was still about a foot overhead.

They sat in the hole watching above as the day turned to night and no one passed the hole.

They waited for two more hours until they heard voices. Soon a small almost childlike face peeped over the hole.

“We caught something!”, He said in an obnoxiously high pitched voice.

Soon other faces peeked over the hole one said, “Get it out!” as he smacked another on the back of the head.

The first guy jumped in. Now Jacob could see more of his features, he was a short, toddler like man, his hair was a light blue green color.

“It’s human babies!”, The man said to his comrades.

“Get them out”, The leader said to the man.

The dwarf wrapped a rope around the two boys, “Pull them up.” The rope tightened as the two boys were hoisted up and out of the hole.

When they were out of the hole they were covered with scratches. Standing around them was twenty or so childlike men each with an exotic color of hair.


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Thu Sep 17, 2015 5:05 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



"Because I'm not doing much here, just pickpocketing," omg I'm laughing so hard right now. I love Evin's honesty. It's hilarious.

Okay, so first I want to talk to you about your dialogue. The very last line in your story is properly formatted, but most of the other lines look like that. So here's how that line looks:

"Sure!" replied Jacob excitedly.


Here's a line that's not formatted correctly.

“Okay that will be 3 coppers.” The man said.


Can you see what the difference is?

In the first line, you started the first word in the dialogue tag, "replied," with a small letter. But in the second line, you started "The" with a capital letter. The first word in a dialogue tag should always start with a small letter if a) the dialogue tag comes after the dialogue and b) the first word in the dialogue tag is an article (like "the"), a common noun (like "he") or a verb (like "said").

Next rule. So we know the "the" in that second sentence should start with a small t, not a capital. But there's something else that's wrong with this line, which is: You should always change the period in the dialogue to a comma if the dialogue is followed by a dialogue tag. If you do that, the second line looks like this:

"Okay that will be 3 coppers," the man said.


Do this only with periods; question marks and exclamation points can stay the way they are. Also, the period stays a period if the dialogue tag comes before the dialogue, like this:

The man said, "Okay that will be 3 coppers."


So hopefully that helps you with dialogue formatting. (If you're confused, feel free to PM me. I feel like I do a bad job explaining this online.)

Something you do well is that sometimes you use character actions instead of dialogue tags. Like this sentence here:

The man forced a smile. “You must be mistaken, why would a child be going there?”


By using things like "the man forced a smile" or "he pointed to the three landmarks," it breaks up the monotony of continuous "he said," "he said," "he said." Usually people don't realize they can do this right away, so I like to see that you've got that down already.

Now a note on the actual story, and this is one I always feel a little weird talking about because I'm terrible at it myself (especially in first drafts). Right now, the characters seem to be lacking some motivation. So the old curer, Wilkinson, obviously needs Jacob to fetch these items because a) he, Wilkinson, needs them to cure people but is too old to wander off and fetch them himself and b) Jacob's his apprentice now, so why not have him go?

That's good. We know right away why Wilkinson is entrusting this mission to a young boy. Plus, since he chose Jacob as his apprentice in the first place (or at least said "yes" when asked if Jacob could be his apprentice), he must think Jacob's an okay kid who can be trusted with stuff.

Jacob's motivation is a little harder to come up with, though. On his very first day of apprenticeship, his master sends him off to fetch these obscure ingredients from far off, dangerous places with even giving him a map or supplies or teaching him how to use a sword! I like that you show us when Jacob is thinking, "Okay, he must be joking. There's no way he's serious."

But then when he realizes Wilkinson is serious, he doesn't argue, ask him for a map or food or more money, tell him that he doesn't know how to use a sword...nothing! I know Wilkinson is his master now, and apprentices are supposed to do what their masters tell them, BUT this is such an odd and ridiculous request that I'd expect Jacob to at least go, "Um...aren't you going to give me a map?" (or whatever), even if he's not going to argue outright. Plus, we know almost nothing about Wilkinson at this point--except that he's very old. He doesn't seem like the type to thunder and rage and say, "You're going and that's that!" So it's not like there's any fear of his master that's driving Jacob to go without question.

Do you see what I'm saying? Try to expand on that scene a bit more so you can show us why Jacob decides to follow orders, even though the request is totally unreasonable. Maybe he decides his life is boring and he wants a little adventure. Maybe he wasn't looking forward to being a curer, but he's all for going on a quest instead of sitting inside and making cures for people. Maybe Wilkinson does yell at him and threatens to find a new apprentice if Jacob won't go on this quest, and Jacob needs this apprenticeship because...(money?)(a better life?)(maybe he could've cured his deceased father?)(take your pick).

Feel free to PM me with any questions!
BlueAfrica




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Thu Sep 17, 2015 12:48 am
Dracula wrote a review...



Hey! I suggest you post each chapter as a separate work, you're bound to get a lot more reviews that way. Anyway, I'll have a go and read as far as time allows. Hopefully I'll be able to help. :D

Jacob sat by the window staring into the outside world.
His Brown shaggy hair lit by the moon.

I really like the way you began the chapter. You go straight into the story, and beginning with 'Jacob sat..' makes me feel slightly familiar with the character. I can't really explain why, I just don't feel like I need introductions, and that you'll explain anything important later. The only thing I would change is your splitting of these two lines. They would be better suited together, and separated with a comma.

Because I heard that he's wrong in the head?" he inquired.
This bit of speech shouldn't have a question mark since it's not actually a question. Having that question mark just ruined the flow.

He ate the food and drink.
Drink should be in past tense, since ate is.

An old woman wearing a veil and a long dress of a deep purple that had circles like peacock feathers, told him to come to her.
I like your description here, because I guessed that she was gypsy before you even told me. Another thing I liked was how he told the time by looking at the sun. This confirmed the time period for me; that it isn't set in our time, but in the past.

"I need you to get four things. Water from the lake of life, lava from the Avion volcano, a branch from the tree of time, and wind from a wind spirit.”, The man said, "take a sword as well."
The chapter ended brilliantly, you've established the plot and now I know what the story is going to be about; his journey to find those supplies. The chapter progressed well and I couldn't find any major errors, just fix those few nitpicks and you'll be well on your way.

Hopefully the next reviewer will look at chapter two, since I did one. But like I said, I suggest you split them up to get more reviews.




ty7lucky says...


I would but I dont have enough coins



Dracula says...


You can get more by reviewing. :D




If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.
— Emily Dickinson