Try To Escape Chapter 1

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is a pretty nice moment here I think. You've managed to create a nice little bit of extra tension there to really hook the readers before providing a pretty nice introduction there to this story here. Its a pretty good chapter one I think.

Anyway let's get right to it,

My feet hit the pavement hard and fast. Behind me, I heard hard panting. He was chasing me, all because someone had shoved me into him at the market.

The minute we had collided, he had come up behind me and growled into my ear, "You'd better be good where I'm going to take you, brat," and reached out to snatch my wrist. Before I knew it, my feet were carrying me down an alley, out to the street, and down toward the only safe haven: my hideout.

I used that hideout for everything. Whenever I was running away from something, or someone, I'd go there. No one was ever able to catch me there. It was like a force field would go up, propelling anything that came near and kept it invisible to everyone except me.

I rounded a corner and leaped into the hole that led to my get away. Once inside, I peeked out the window.

"Come out, you stupid brat! What are you afraid of? I ain't going to hurt you," he leered.

"Yea, right," I mutter. All he wanted was to hurt me. That's all they ever want. Slowly, I creep to the other side, the side that leads into my backyard. Crawling out, I spot my loyal cat peeking at me from behind the bushes.

"Hey there, Tiger," I snuggle him close to me and carry him into my house.

"Serena! Is that you?" My room mate, Christine comes into the living room, headphones hanging around her neck, hard rock music blaring from them.

Tiger's ears pulled back and he started hissing at them and sprang at Christine's shoulder. Laughing, she turned quickly to the side and caught him in her arms. Petting him, she buried her face into his neck.

"You playful thing. One day, you're going to regret it,you little rascal," she giggled, letting him free.

Laughing, I went over to the couch and flipped on the t.v. set. She wandered into her own room for a bit, before emerging once again, looking worried.

"Serena? I just noticed...why does your hair look so chaotic?"

"Uhm," I hesitate. She always is so overprotective of me, "You see, this guy started chasing me and-"

"Again?! Serena! You have to be more careful!" she exploded, instantly blaming me for whatever had happened.

"It wasn't my fault! Some idiot pushed me into the guy, and he over-reacted about it. That's all," I defend myself. Sighing, I turn off the screen, head into my room and close the door. I was too tired to deal with her, let alone to watch t.v. What I needed was a good night's sleep.

The next morning, I awake from a weird dream. All I could remember was huge wings embracing me while a warmth surrounded my lips. Licking them, I could still taste the sweetness of whoever left that wonderful flavor on them.

Sitting up, I tried to remember more. All that appeared was feathery wings and appealing lips. Hm, why would that come up?

Getting up, I wandered into the kitchen to grab some orange juice and noticed a note sitting on the counter.

Poor Christine. Having a danger magnet as a best friend. Leaning against the counter, I remembered another piece of my dream.

Deep blue eyes gazing at me with such warmth and tenderness, you'd think me, and whoever was looking at me like that, were lovers.

thank you I edited it and I think it looks better. I appreciate the time you took to edit this.

Hey
Truth here for a review!

First off... The verb tenses is changing are changing quite a bit in there... red= present, blue= past

My feet #FF0000 ">hit the pavement hard and fast. Behind me, I #000080 ">heard hard panting. He was chasing me, all because someone had shoved me into him at the market.

#000080 ">
The minute we had collided, he had come up behind me and growled into my ear, "You'd better be good where I'm going to take you, brat," and reached out to snatch my wrist. Before I knew it, my feet were carrying me down an alley, out to the street, and down toward the only safe haven: my hideout.This here should be past, even if you decide to stay in present, because it is talking about the past.

I #FF0000 ">use that hideout for everything. Whenever #FF0000 ">I'm running away from something, or someone, I#000080 ">'d go there. No one #FF0000 ">is ever able to catch me there. It#FF0000 ">'s like a force field would go up, propelling anything that came near and #FF0000 ">keeps it invisible to everyone except me.

I #000080 ">rounded a corner and #000080 ">leaped into the hole that led to my get away. Once inside, I #FF0000 ">peek out the window.

Laughing, I went over to the couch and flipped on the t.v. set. She wandered into her own room for a bit#008000 ">, comma before emerging once again, looking worried.

Uhm," I hesitate. She always is so #008000 ">overprotective over #008000 ">of me#008000 ">, comma "You see, this guy started chasing me and-"

Sighing, I turn off the screen and #008000 ">, comma head into my room and close the door.

Licking them, I could still taste the sweetness of #008000 ">whoever left that wonderful flavor on them.

Deep blue eyes gazing at me with such warmth and tenderness, you'd think me, and #008000 ">whoever was looking at me like that, were lovers.