Identity Thief

Hi Infinity here to review! This is a good poem with an interesting theme, it has excellent potential however there are some suggestions I'd like to make which might help improve your poem even more.

Stanza 1

"You are not you.
This is just a mask.
The silk and softness,
cuddly looks
Can't hide you.
You know who you are."

Here, I think the "cuddly looks" is unnecessary you don't need it, as it ruins the flow also the "you know who you are" is a bit awkward maybe try replacing it with something else that's more engaging but not giving away any mystery.

Stanza 2

"Even the night isn't dark enough.
But dark beams through the white"

The small word usages are a bit grammatically awkward, I suggest you add something like;

Although the night isn't dark enough,
yet dark beams through the white.

In general you need to really engage the reader more to feel a sense of mystery drama and suspense, at the moment there's nothing really haunting and no enigma about it. Expand your vocabulary to interest the reader more and create more imagery instead of brief descriptions.

Work on this poem a bit more, keep up the good work!

-Infinity x

Hi Infinity here to review! This is a good poem with an interesting theme, it has excellent potential however there are some suggestions I'd like to make which might help improve your poem even more.

Stanza 1

"You are not you.
This is just a mask.
The silk and softness,
cuddly looks
Can't hide you.
You know who you are."

Here, I think the "cuddly looks" is unnecessary you don't need it, as it ruins the flow also the "you know who you are" is a bit awkward maybe try replacing it with something else that's more engaging but not giving away any mystery.

Stanza 2

"Even the night isn't dark enough.
But dark beams through the white"

The small word usages are a bit grammatically awkward, I suggest you add something like;

Although the night isn't dark enough,
yet dark beams through the white.

In general you need to really engage the reader more to feel a sense of mystery drama and suspense, at the moment there's nothing really haunting and no enigma about it. Expand your vocabulary to interest the reader more and create more imagery instead of brief descriptions.

Work on this poem a bit more, keep up the good work!

-Infinity x

Hey there, Tteele! June here,

Sayshi previously outlined a number of good points towards improving your poem, so keep those in mind while I keep my comments general. I felt a little underwhelmed by this poem because the ideas in this poem kind of jump around instead of neatly telling us a story, which makes it a little confusing to your audience.

The beginning of a poem is your opportunity to "hook" your audience. Draw us in, make us want to continue reading for more. From there, you have the opportunity to tell us this story, dear, and one of the things that sets poetry apart from prose is the use of literary devices such as metaphor, imagery, and allegory. Here, you use very little -- your language is rather straightforward, which isn't a bad thing -- it's just not very strong in holding interest.

My recommendation is to expand your ideas -- flesh them out so that they become what they have the potential to become.

Best of luck,

June

First off, thank you for using stanzas. I have seen so many poems without stanzas, it just relieves me to see one with them.

Secondly, in the second stanza the last two lines are a bit awkward. "But dark beams through the white, shows the identity thief." Ehhh...it sounds a little off to me, I am sure if you had re-read that a few more times you would have fixed it. If I were writing this poem I would have said, "But dark beams through the white, it shows the identity thief." One simple word can work many wonders.

In the third stanza the "Your" is supposed to be "You're," so it is supposed to say YOU ARE in there, the your you used is a possessive word.

Also in the third stanza, who is they? It kind of seems like this poem was a little rushed...maybe?

In the last stanza you wrote "Get out before it's late!" I believe you meant too late, but if you didn't you should have written that in there too. So it should have been "Get out before it's too late!"

Anyway, I really, really enjoyed this poem. You are a fantastic poet, keep it up!
Toodles.

This was AWESOME!!!! I even read it in my favorite bad guys voice that's how good it was *dont judge me!* I loved the way you put your words together! It's true talent!

Okay this is so cool. Its so mysterious and it left me wanting to read like a whole book on the character! I love how you weave the words together, its brilliant.
"You are not you.
This is just a mask.
The silk and softness,
cuddly looks
Can't hide you.
You know who you are" I really like this part it drew me in to read the rest of it. I love the last line too, I read it like thrice. It was awesome keep posting!! xxxx, Claire

I really like this. The title was interesting, and so was the rest of the poem. I loooove the last stanza! It has a certain flow to it which I like. I like your writing style. Its very I don't know... but it is great!!!!!!





Keep Writing!

Oh my gosh! What an amazing poem! you did such a great job!!!! I loved the how you wrote:

''It's been too long...
Let
go.''

It added an awesome touch..! Great job!!! :):)

It was a good read, so, thanks! -XD