Published May 19, 2012
I chase, I seek
It runs, it hides
It teases me so
It fleets in and out of my hold
Thus this game we play
Where I chase, it runs
Sometimes I win
But it wins far more than me
Every victory is shortlived
As never does it stay with me long
Yet I go after it again, and again, yet again
It absolves me of the pain of my existence
Yet, its aloofness pinches me more
The more I seek
The harder is it to find
Yet I cant give up
Cause I hope, always I hope
That one day I will achieve what I seek
And therein will end my pursuit of happiness
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141,720 Literary Works • 675,610 Reviews
Hey there!
I liked that you personified happiness as something that is fleeting. There is not much to review, other than a few small details I thought were slightly off. One was "It fleets in and out of my hold" hold seems to be awkward there, try using grasp, maybe? I think the lines "Every victory is shortlived
As never does it stay with me long" are a bit redundant, for when something is shortlived, it doesn't last long, which is what you said directly after shortlived. I think that you should have either put "Yet I go after it again, and again" or "Yet I go after it again, yet again," but not both. Also, *can't, not cant, but that's just a tiny thing. Overall, very nice!
~Epic
Deep.