wow. i can really get inside the persons head, i especially like the "this apathy swelling up inside me is the measure of mere inches between the tip of my pen and the words that i ache to say" nice job. *thumbsup*
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140,588 Literary Works • 673,542 Reviews
I like it very much.
Just one thing and obviously this is only personal opinion because you're writing it about you and you know what you want to say etc... but the whole mentioning of Snow Patrol seems to just undermine the whole thing. it makes it sound quite melodramatic, like if you would've said Dylan or Nick Drake or something i think it could be seen a bit more seriously. But i can't tell you what music you like/ how you write your poems! ... I don't know if that makes sense at all but good job anyway.
I too found the gender somewhat inconsistant and confusing, but it didn't distract me from the overall meaning of the poem. I simply noted it and continued reading.
I was especially impressed with this bit:
I think you captured perfectly the emotional frustration of writer's block
I don't know why some of you have to be so critical. I mean of course no poem, or anything for that matter will ever be perfect, but this has got to be as close as it gets. Bravo Incandescence you are an amazing writer/poet!
Is this poem written from a guy or girls stand point? You talk about how "he slips away" but then talk about how "she" is the one the narrorator is kind of giving up on. Maybe it's just a blonde day for me today. The first paragraph has very good imagery though.
I don't know if you did this on purpose (I'm guessing you did), but I think it would be easier to read like this:
or close the phone,
and I act like I care, but I don't.
I know every exit leads to another stage,
Eh, I guess that doesn't sound perfect, either, but do you get what I'm saying?
Otherwise, I thought the poem was nice. You have good imagery, good description...good job! Keep it up.
-*-*--Diana--*-*-
Hooyah. Great job, Incandescence.
) to get into the character's mind and feelings.
I really liked how you made it easy for the reader (i.e. ME!
I don't like angst poetry. And thoguh it's similar, I don't eally get that melodramtic angst poetry feeling form this. I like it very much.
I enjoy your poetry, Incandescense.
Enjoy your smileys:
That's freakishly like me. That's just me.
and the Snow Patrol and half smoked cigarettes!
Freaky.
It's me!
This was a vanity piece. Do we really need another poem about how hard it is to be a writer? We are all in the same situation.
I don't mean to offend, but this isn't an emotion. It's a hard fact of life that language fails to describe everything it creates...
The better parts:
This, on the other hand, was slightly awkward. If this was an accident, fix it. If not, I believe this is odd in such a directly phrased poem as this, were very little is other than what it is said as.
I believe you could've portrayed this emotion with less teenage angst, and a more mature view.