dandelions

Hello Treesawx,

Welcome to the community. I love poetry; it is mainly all I write and the only thing I review. I look for poetry that I have felt before, a common occurrence, or a playful moment amongst the dandelions.

"good gracious
take a seat and wait here for me
it’s been a while since i looked around, really
for dandelions
and the troubles //
of the living"

Come with me, wait beside me, and watch while I look for things I haven't seen in an age. Between the troubles of the living and the dandelions, it is easy to miss such casual moments. On a more serious note, are the slashes for a moment of breath in the poem, or did they have another note of significance?

"i don’t even know what it is;
i’ve heard from a friend
they write things on concrete walls and in musty flower pressed notebooks
i lose those kinds of things //"

"I have heard from a friend" was such a simple way to put all the things one can miss out on when we never take the time to pause. To pick up a dandelion and squeeze out the juice of a flower to make a flower in the concrete, or to idolize in permanence a weed on paper. Only then, to ultimately lose such simple things.

"i hope though
with my hands raised to the sky which is blue and opens its heart to me
that though i am but a fleck
that in this fleck which i am but will not be again
contains everything that you would have ever needed"

We are all but a fleck, and a fleck we indeed may never be again, but hope without a doubt that we are all what we may ever need to be. It is a calming wish, to take a breath, sit down a beat, and play in the weeds under blue skies.

I hope to see more from you soon.

I dance in the rain so no one can tell,
Which drops are sky-born and which are mine.
Love, Hawinay

Hi there, and welcome to YWS! I am really excited and honoured to be the one to review your first-ever work posted to the site

I am a sucker for straight-to-the-point poetry and simplicity, so this certainly struck a chord with me, and I feel like the essence of contemplative intimacy is achieved because of the simplicity. With that said, I mean simplicity not in the sense of language or imagery - but in the sense that your choice of words is not overly floral and thus highly effective in conveying a feeling.

Like the speaker, this poem makes the reader take a moment to actually sit and reflect - maybe in a way they haven't done in a really long time. This is clear at the beginning by introducing a reflective, personal tone ("good gracious") and the casual command ("take a seat and.../ since i looked around, really"). Later, the speaker seems to acknowledge their own, fleeting existence ("though i am but a fleck".

My only point for some possible improvement has to do with the flow. I appreciated the intentional and limited use of punctuation to mould the flow and emphasize certain points. My question is just whether the // is in the right place or if it limits the flows, jarring the poem a little? One slash is already quite the statement - two is significant but I'm not so sure it's cut in the right spot. But that's just me!

Overall, I really enjoyed this poem and hope you'll stick around to share more. Let me know if you ever want to workshop some poetry together, or if you have general questions about the site!

Again, a very warm welcome!

Cheers,
Lavvie

great poem! It gives a very calming air, and the feeling of connecting to the world. it really can be great to stop and take a breath sometimes, and this represents that well!