I really like the value zero
It can mean a million of things
Yet in the end zero has no value.
Zero describes her life.
She had everything planned ahead of her
Yet a simple mistake robbed her of her dreams
She was stripped off her clothes
Dignity was lost
I really like the value zero.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Well, this poem is very miserable. That is by no means a bad thing, but a grey cloud hangs over this poem- lingering over every word with its oppressive atmosphere. Sometimes it can be seem unnecessary because there is literally no hope in this poem.
For positives, I can see it in the repetition of your first line at the end. It creates a feeling of infinity, as if "she" is one of many. Also, that one line is very biting and sarcastic- it emphasises the harm that the number can do. Of course, I presume the use of zero comes from an economic context, i.e. "she" was stripped off her clothes- shouldn't it read, "stripped of her clothes"?- because she didn't have any money. Unless, of course, she's a prostitute and you're actually criticising the trade. Format wise, your poem doesn't have any noticeable errors, and I think your periods are used for good effect.
Now, my problems with this poem come from its ambiguity. I'm not totally opposed to keeping a cryptic meaning. That's fine. However, why is "she" being robbed of her dreams? Who robbed her? What robbed her? By her loss of dignity, did she end up- as I have suggested earlier- become a stripper or a prostitute? Are you basically saying that prostitutes can only be zero without dignity? Too many questions; too little answers.
And for that, I couldn't really enjoy your poem more than I perhaps should have. It was still good, but its veil masked a greater beauty.
Ah I see.
It's okay to get constructive criticism I guess and I understand your view point. I left it quite "blank" because I originally intended readers to think of an answer themselves so that all of them can have different opinions about the poem. But thank you for your review, I will work on these problems to create better writing in the future
Hey, pretty good poem here. I like it because it has a lot of meaning.
This poem starts pretty slow then gets faster and faster then BOOM it hits the good part. Think of it like a song, it starts soft then goes to medium soft, then to medium loud, then loud, then very loud! With a boom that you don't except. It's the climax of your poem.
I really liked your poem, Idea here. It was very creative about the value zero.
Your main point if zero, a very good metaphor to use.
Great job,
Keep up the good writing,
Love,
Dogs
thank you for your words
No problem.
Hi,
Yeah, like Winter said, the last sentence struck hard. Anyway, merry welcome to YWS. I love your avvie...it's invincible...
**REVIEW STARTS HERE**
Firstly, this poem starts slow, and it's starting to turn fast and BOOM! I like this kind of poetry because it gives emotions to the readers and emotions are good things that are hard to get. Slightly, you made me attracted to you in some poetic way...
Never mind that.
So, the main point here is zero. You made me falls in love with this "zero". It is really a good extended metaphor and please let me use it as an inspiration for me that I don't know when to use. I also like the part where you hide some facts about zero and that goes smoothly here. It is really important to not go off telling everything to readers directly.
This poem is also clean of most problems that poet have to go pass. I must say I'm impressed. You left some punctuation--mostly comma--here and there. I'll point out this one...you left the comma after "Yet" in the third line or are you planning to not use comma? That is a huge mistake, if it's true. Please don't.
Okay, the part I love the most is
This is because, I think, the climax of this poem. It's quite twisty and ironic. However, I found it is truly weird to repeat "her" two times in this line. Can you care using another word for that because it flows wrong. And yet, you left the comma after "Yet" again. Plus, this line could be expanded! You could describe more about the "simple mistake" or even "her dream". What kind of mistake? What kind of dream? Don't left us hanging too high here!
You can create good tones and good images, but what is the use of all that if you don't explain enough to your readers? In this, I must say, you can archive something, but you lacked details. Don't tell us the the sword is sharp, instead, show us how it cut.
**IN A NUTSHELL**
I'm not finished with you. I'm thirsty to know more...to read more from you! And lastly, the thing I want to say is, this poem somewhat confused me. I don't know why, but I just know it. I'm so-so sorry for unable to tell you the reasons. I liked this and keep writing! Don't make me spam you!
~Nicol
P/s: ZERO
ah yes i agree, that the poem could feel rather incomplete. I shall work on that and thank you very much <:
It's a good poem. The metaphors used in the poem are amazing. But I would like to suggest one thing. You could add much more depth to the poem. After reading it, I felt the poem was abrupt. Left in between, unfinished.
I think you could add much more figures of speech and lengthen the poem a bit. Hopefully because your poem is free verse, I guess. Also in the poem, you mentioned that a simple mistake stripped her off dignity. Well, I think you should explain what the mistakes are? Because I didn't understand that part of the poem. Anyway keep up the good work!
Hey there, gonna leave you a review.
Overall, your poem was very well constructed, in my opinion. Using zero as a comparison to value in more ways than just it's literal value, was brilliant. Your poem shocked me, though. I wasn't expecting the ending. It felt like a punch in the gut! Your last sentence, struck me hard. Even though that's how you started the poem, it wasn't until I read it at the end that it hit me. Honestly, this poem is one of my favorites from this site. It's simple, and yet has a strong emotional message. Good job, and I hope to read more of your work soon!