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If The World.

by toshy007

If The World Was Going To End Today,
Would The Children Still Come Out and Play,
Would There Be Regular Day To Day Life,
Or Would People Live In Struggle And Strife,
Would It Come Like A Sudden Ball Of Destruction,
With No Anticipation, No Expectation,
Or Would It Come Gradually,
And As Its Coming, No One Would See,

If The World Was Going To End Today,
Would People Be Just Like "Okay"
Or Would They Be Wallowing In Their Misery,
And Swimming In Their Self Pity,
Would They Be In Shocked In Disbelief,
Or Would They Be Ashamed For Self Inflicting Such Grief,
Would The Prophets Exclaim "I Told You So"
Or Would They Join Their Followers In Perpetual Sorrow?

If The World Was Going To End Today,
What Would Our Leaders Say,
Would The Presidents And Dictators Finally Make Peace,
And Would All The Wars Finally Cease,
Would People Finally Apologise For The Crimes They Commited,
Or Would They Just Leave Them To Be Ommited,
Would Prisoners Be Let Free Out Of Jail,
Or Would They Be Left To Rust Like An Old Nail,

If The World Was Going To End Today,
Would People See It As A Double Entendre,
Would The End Be Gory And Violent,
Or Would It End With Prayers Being Sent,
Would We Approach Our Maker Humbly,
Or With Our Faces Bold And Smiling Proudly,
If We Had The Choice, Would We Defer The End To Another Time,
Or Finally, Take Judgement For Our Crime.

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Random avatar

Points: 702
Reviews: 8

Sat Dec 29, 2012 7:43 pm
MaKriege wrote a review...

Positives first, this poem had a very clear theme that questioned the readers made them think as they read on. This kind of technique shows you have good knowledge about writing and know how to style your writing. With that said, there is always room for improvement. I noticed the words you choose to rhyme with rhymed based on their spelling, not on their sound. This can cause problems not only in the flow of the piece but in the delivery and I would suggest working on it. Just reading through a few more times and tweaking words will help you make your writing sound more professional. Overall, I loved the theme of poem and can't wait to read more of your writing in the future.

User avatar
56 Reviews

Points: 728
Reviews: 56

Mon Dec 24, 2012 4:41 am
methrirr123 wrote a review...

Hello there!

I see that in this piece there is a message. I also notice that it's an apocalypse poem. I like how you seem to be asking the reader, prompting the reader directly to think. But I also think that you're struggling to make it rhyme. I guess it's better, at least in my opinion, when people write poems and they're all staggered and spaced out oddly. Like some lines will have a buch of words, and some will have only a few? It bothers me a bit. I think maybe, when I get the points, I'll post one making fun of it. Keep your eye out for it when I do.

I like the verses especially, specifically the last two lines. The language and word choice is pitch perfect. I would have spent days, maybe weeks figuring out how to make the syllables match, but you seem to have just went with it. This is good, I suppose. I don' really like the bit about the prisoners, because being left to rust like an old nail just isn't gruesome enough for the end of the world. I'm not saying I can rhyme to it, and you seem to be better with rhyming words than I, but I did try, so give me some credit.

Overall, I liked it ass a message, but it seemed to forced into a rhyming format. a solid 8.5 out of 10.

I am a guard of the green order and I am the captain of the guard of troops who protect the strong holds of YWS.
— LadyBird