Lame Game Boy

Hey, candrew here. First I'd like to say that if you have a game boy color, you are AWESOME!!!! I thought that this limerick was clever and simple. Though it's short, (I have got no room talking there with limericks.) there's a story here even though it may not seem like it. It's not a long story, but yet a good one. What I see in the story is a young boy surrounded by older boys with all these brand new devices. They're making fun of him for having an old-school game boy and not having something like theirs. One day he decided that he was gonna buy the hardest game there is for a game boy that nobody else had beaten. It took him a long time before he beat it, but he eventually he did. Some one found out and spread the word. (Big mouth) He became famous and all of his friends were jealous and tried to the same. But none of them could because all of those rich bitches only had the brand new thing. Well, that was my story. Was that how you saw it? If you could, could you please reply to this review and tell me what you thought of what I said was relevant or not. Well, that's just what i thought. Your story was great and i enjoyed reading it. Keep writing and don't ever give up on writing either. See-ya!

Hey there! BitterRosemary here to give a review!

LOL nice. I think the limerick is nicely laid out (as most limericks are).
No superfluous language, nice and simple.

Thanks for taking the serious tone of this website down a bit.I realize we're all serious writers, but writing can be fun, and this proves it.

Never stop writing!
BitterRosemary

Hey!

Short works are always difficult to review and this one especially, because I feel like it has a very jokey tone to it, but I'm not sure.
So if your intention was to make it serious and I misread that, then I apologise in advance.

I liked the simple way it was written. No flouncy language, just straight in there, to the point and this is obviously a subject you care about, which is great, you're expressing a passion.

'There once was a boy on a game.' - To be honest, I'm not entirely sure about the grammatical accuracy of this line, or the rest of the work actually, but it still reads ok. In fact, it's another reason why I don't think this work is meant to be taken too seriously.

A good start, welcome to the site and I hope you enjoy it here.

Hello, rhia here to review. Welcome to YWS!

You did a good job of getting the rhythm and rhyme scheme of limericks, it was very light and fun. It possesed a childish quality, yet was well written.

My proposed solution to the two tricky lines...

When the game did he beat.

With an amazing feat.

Hey there, tonytwo! I am here to give you a review
Right, so like the writer below me said, I like the innocence and simplicity of this poem. You're just giving it to the read straight, and I poems like that are great.
Now, onto what I think you could improve on.
I can see how you've made this short, snappy, to the point with the full stops at the end of each line, but I don't actually think that they're necessary. I mean, I think this could have more of a... punch if you used commas and then saved the full stops for the bits you wanted drawing attention to most.

For example, changing the first, and third lines to have a comma at the end, I think that would work better.
But overall, I enjoyed reading this and I look forward to seeing more of your work!
-CFG

I like the innocence of this poem and the victorious feeling it brings, but I think that you should fix the part "When the game did he beat. With an amazing feat." Because it has confusing wording with takes away from the fun and innocence of the poem. Maybe you could change it to: "At last he the game he won and beat/Was crushed with his amazing feat." I like the rhyme scheme. Just ideas