z

Young Writers Society


12+ Language

Little things(that matter)

by tiyu


Hello folks!!

This is a tribute a web series I have been watching these days. It’s about a couple living in a live-in relationship and exploring their life together. The show is based on the approach that in life we all give preference to the big days or big moments or big things like birthdays, anniversaries, marriage, New Year etc. but tend to forget about the little things that are happening to us. We are developing day by day and suddenly one day we decide it’s our birthday. We have a party, friends and family are invited and you feel pretty great that day. That’s all nice but ever felt gratitude to the fact that you are living.

Remember life is a celebration and as said earlier we are growing day by day and this realization is felt when you complete a year more. You wonder how the previous year had been and how the next year will be. Maybe setting goals and having your own check-lists. I think many people can relate to that. Celebrating your birthdays is good. I just mean to say that try to enjoy whole year and celebrate each day instead of just one. I want to say that why limit our happiness to a packet when you can have a bag full of it.

Yes, I know what you are thinking. There may be days in the year when you feel depressed, tired or simply not in the mood of a celebration. In those days seek your inspiration. Try to find a thing to cheer you up and make you content. There is always an inspiration for everyone. I will tell you what I do. I go out and sit alone at a place of natural beauty. I try to create a bond with nature and a harmony with myself. And then I think. I think about what exactly makes me gloomy or dejected. I go into details and most of the time I realise that my feelings are a by-product of my own imagination. Then as by a miracle the clouds of unhappiness begin to fade to give me a rainbow of clear thoughts and good feelings.

I think the above things work for you also and you all will try to understand my point and start living your life as a festival.

Thank you folks!!

And until next time..Bye!

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Fri Jun 30, 2017 3:25 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Hi there!

So it's kind of tough to review this because I'm not sure what your purpose is. You've said you wrote this as a sort of tribute to this show you love, but it sounds like more than that. Rather than a tribute talking about how great the show is or how it's helped you, you spend most of this talking about how we ought to be more grateful for little things in our daily lives.

Assuming that's your purpose, you could change the opening to reflect that. Rather than saying "this is a tribute to this show," you could talk about how the show has made you realize there are things in your own day-to-day life to be grateful for. We'd get a better sense of your purpose and topic going in.

For the body, it might help if you painted some pictures from your own life. Is there any time a big celebration actually failed to uplift you, because a big celebration on one day didn't give your entire life meaning? What little things do you notice and give thanks for on an average day? The part where you talk about going out to connect to nature starts to give us more detail, but perhaps you could tell us about a specific time you did that - or at least what bad things you were thinking about that were helped by finding time for yourself.

A final note, because this sort of article always makes me think about this: be sure to consider people with mental health issues - going out in nature or thinking things through might not work for them! They may actually need medication or a set schedule/program to help them cope with things, and reading about how everyone's bad feelings can be fixed by communing with nature or whatever can just make them feel worse, like "what's wrong with me, why doesn't that work for me?"

You don't necessarily have to address it or at least you don't have to make it a major issue/theme of this article, but just be aware of it.

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Fri Jun 30, 2017 1:55 pm
ExOmelas wrote a review...



Hey there,

I'm not really sure why this is in bold, but since that doesn't come through when you copy/paste for quotes, I'm just not going to mention that.

Nit-picks:

Hello folks!!

This seems to be a professional pitch type piece for a tv show. It therefore seems unlikely that you should use colloquial language like "folks" and the grammatically incorrect double exclamation marks. This applies to your sign-off as well.

That’s all nice but have you ever felt gratitude tofor the fact that you are living?


Overall:

I'm not totally sure I understand the point of this. You talk about an idea for a TV show, but never give me much of an outline of a concept. You tell me it's going to be about a couple reflecting on their everyday lives, but what is the format actually going to be? For example, they could have to choose at the end of each day one thing that has made them happy.

Your explanation for why this show would be useful and important is thorough, though maybe you express some of the same points more than once. You've already sold me on the value of the show, but if I'm a TV executive I need to know the practicalities. The format, the timescale, the budget, the intended audience etc

I don't think there's too much else to say about this but let me know if anything is unclear,
Biscuits :)





When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
— Walter Lippmann