Published September 7, 2011
I liked to think that darkness wasn't real. Not the figurative kind, but what happens when the sun sets and the moon comes out, and doesn't shine, because it's not supposed to, and it can't. I made myself believe that it was light in a dark coat, that this was what he slept in, just like I slept in my pajamas. I convinced myself that the shadows were children, growing brighter and older each second, to one day blend into the world.
Then the darkness took her.
He reached out his whispy fingers, and snatched her in her sleep. Said he loved her, that he was caring for her. But darkness doesn't feel. Not the real kind. The kind that watches you in your sleep, blankets you when the lights go out, turns you blind for as long as it can, caresses your cheek and hides the things you don't want to see, yet feel even more terrified because it could be anywhere out there, just waiting, and you can't see it.
Darkness lives for fear. It doesn't know anything else, but it's killing itself by the things people do when they're scared of the dark;
turn the light on.
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139,019 Literary Works • 672,398 Reviews
Oh, the absurd of darkness- it meant to hide the fearsome things, but in fact it terrifying us even more.
Good job pointing it out. I liked the way you gave lots of methaphores for anything you wrote.
This is so true- not only about dark, but every human being is an absurd by himself!
Good work!
I don't even know how to critique this. i just wanted to say that it made me feel something powerful
And that's all I ever ask of writing. Every bit of it was beautiful, and it felt so personal, like it was written just for me.
I loved how you chose to put certain phrases in italics. Also, I really love how you separated those three lines from the rest of the text (then the darkness took her, darkness lives for fear, turn the light on).
Please keep writing, this piece is incredible
Well, I feel rather feeble writing after the praise you just got, but really I would just like to say that this was an excellent piece. The opening sentences were a little confusing, yes, but it hasn't detracted from the feel of your work. Keeping it short and cryptic was a good move- the piece is dripping with suspense and if there is more to come I would love to read it!
Hiya Bell! I can call you that, right? Because it's quite cute! Anyway, onto a review!
This piece was really, really good. The opening few sentences were a little obscure, but they didn't detract from the story any. Although I didn't quite understand the opinions expressed within the second, it was rather deep and somehow philosophical - in an incredibly strange kind of way.
I'm not even going to try to get my head round it, but it sounded great.
The structure of this piece is also great. An air of suspence lingers over every sentence. The whole gothic theme of darkness gives it an eerie feel, but it adds to the effectivness of the whole piece. You make use of quite a few short, sharp sentences, which really do add to the overall feel of the short story.
Here's a few nitpicks to help (hopefully) improve your piece.
and then
Having both phrases in round-about the same vicinity is a little repetative. Could you perhaps think of a different phrase to replace one of the above?
Between sleep and Said you have a full stop. I would replace that full stop with a semi-colon and make put the S in Said in lower case.
And, I think that's everything! If you have any questions or you would like me to re-read your piece after any corrections have been made, feel free to PM me or post a comment on my wall. It was really nice to be able to review for you today. Keep up the good work and I hope to be able to review something more of your's soon!
Until the next time, and, happy writing!
~ Amelia
Wow, this is great. However, in the first part you said, "not the figurative kind," however, the second paragraph it sounds like you are only talking about the figurative kind. that kind of threw me off. Yet, I like your idea, your description and how you give it a creepy feeling. All in all, amazing.