Published May 27, 2008
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141,651 Literary Works • 675,339 Reviews
More like it Tim, much more like it. I really feel this poem, it's beautifully wonderful, though the meaning isn't all that clear it leaves you thinking and wondering. It's very well written and the whole beginning hooked me. Very impressed with this, and glad you've come back, I always liked reading your stuff. Can't think of much else. Just, great wording and great imagery.
Overall: This earns a star, you're really becoming a prolific poet now.
Good luck
VSN
Woah. Just... woah. Big, giant, gargantuan gold star. Whew. I'm totally blown away...
*trembles in awe*
Woah.
Wow.
Impressed, very much so. No nitpicks. Very artsy, but as far as I'm concerned that only ups the points. I could spend a whole lot of room here just raving, but I'll leave space for other comments.
Man, seriously... Wow...
RG
ps. DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!
Am now going to look in your Portfolio.
Hi I am GordonRamsayLuver. How are you doing? Ok now to the critiquing. The structure is not needed because it doesn't make any sense.
You Wrote " And their tunnels screamed (Don't start a sentence with "and" it doesn't use proper grammar.)
Of escaping emptied dreams.
The glass was stained this is a fragment consider revising.
As the congregation fell deaf
To their festering histories. "
You have some fragments. But this wasn't bad keep it up. Just have some grammatical errors but nothing to major.
See you around. GordonRamsayluver
The poem seems disjointed to me; I don't know if I"m just reading the way you patterned the writing wrong or what, but I found the writing a bit vague and strange. Not that it was bad; just vague. I can't say whether or not that means you'll have to fix it; that's up to you.
Well this is a bit different, and I dont like seeing people's efforts going uncommented.
I've got to say though, im not sure if i fully understand it. But hey, I'll give it my best shot. Its certainly well written. You have a very nice flowing style which is easy to read. I love the opening line, and first stanza. The imagery is fantastic, and so is the structure.
Love this. Its such a strong statement, and being bang in the middle was a really good technique. I don’t really understand the final statement. Im guessing its in reference to whistling, but its not very clear.
I also think you should rethink the title. Keep it up though, I really enjoyed this x