Published August 16, 2008
Rain and all her nervous face
displays as she delivers tides
of good news on the xeric roof
is chilling in its honesty.
Shoats and farrow scamper in
on a soon hoof and narrow ramp
that leads into a jerrybuilt
hogcote of short asylum.
This brutal answer echoes hard
in runnings of the farmhands to
the wooden chapel where before
they knelt on rot for this to come.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,690 Literary Works • 675,575 Reviews
You certainly use words most people dont understand
but thats okay, as long as it sounds good, then its a poem. this poem however, was a little strange to me. Could you pm me and tell me what it means? that would mean a lot to me. You sure have some vocab!
I must admit that the poem struck me as quite exotic in the word choice. It was very fresh and fascinating. The imagery was quite vivid. I also have to say that understanding the poem was a bit difficult. The words were so unusual, that it was easy for the message to get lost in the whole maze. However, I think the use of fresh words is something that is oftentimes lacking anymore. Start the revolution. Some of the delivery read a bit awkward, I think. Like the last line of the first stanza felt like there was an extra word or something. Overall, I liked the imagery. I liked the feelings evoked by the poem. It had a strong evocative power to it. Especially the final stanza. Kudos, keep it up.
Thanks
Wow. You use some fascinating language and imagery. I have to say this is one of the most interesting poems I've ever read. There is the major issue, though, of understanding. I can't really find the message inside this jungle of words.
It looks like you contradict yourself. First it's "tides of good news on the xeric roof", then in the last stanza it's "this brutal answer." Also, why would a tide of good news be "chilling in its honesty"?
The second stanza makes no sense at all to me. I don't see what it has to do with the rest of the poem, or with anything.
In your first stanza, the last line, "is chilling in its honesty," seems to jar the poem's flow a bit, like it doesn't go with the preceding lines. If you at least took the "is" off the front, it would clash a lot less.
The third stanza is my favorite part. It's not too obscure, just unusual, striking, and powerful, with an awesome rhythm. Definitely an image I'll remember. In my mind, that's what good poetry is made of.
This really is fantastically original and I liked reading it. Hope my review helped you.