Published January 3, 2006
We are one body.
Broken and disjointed
Confused and aching
Prostrate on the marble floor
Of the one world.
Our bones are tired,
Our marrow dry,
Lips cracked,
Eyes closed.
Feeling our way
Through the dark morning.
We are constantly thrown down,
Tripping over ourselves,
Poisons and escapes
We leave in our wake.
We are a broken body,
Waiting to be healed.
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I really liked it, very good imagry in my head. not sure of the actual context, but I got the...the feel of it very well, really enjoyed it.
Ooh, I like. You touch on a feeling of unity, and I think you could develop that more-is this a romantic unity? Or am I just in a romantic mood?
You say "Prostrate on the marble floor/Of the one world" so maybe you mean the whole world is united? Maybe it's something to do with politics? I don't know, I haven't a clue about politics. But you know. I want to be jealous of the unity you are writing about. Make me jealous, make me want it. Or maybe "we" is you and I, maybe you and the reader are united. What is uniting us? Why are we confused and aching?
its nice but it would flow more nicely if you would put in in stanza's
the rythem and how you want to do that is up to you tough.
if you would've put in stanza's it would be a more understandable poem
or maybe your point is to not understand it its all up to you
If you'd turn this part into 2 lines instead of 4 it would be flowing more easilier too
Greetzz